We Interviewed BURY YOUR DEAD!

Recently, [UTG] James and [UTG] JP spoke briefly with BURY YOUR DEAD. Below you can find the attempted interview and what transpired. Don’t forget to buy their new self titled album which is in stores now!

J: Hey, this is James and JP coming to you from Grand Rapids, Michigan and I’m talking with; well, let’s just let them introduce themselves. However, do it as if you were wrestlers getting ready to enter the ring.

BYD:
– Weighing in at 200 lbs. – Silky Johnston!….I’m Mike, and I sing, sometimes.
– I would just punch everyone on my way in and then they’d never forget me. I’m Bubble and I play bass.
– Weighing in at 240lbs., they call him the electrician because he’ll put your lights out, Slim!
– [crack addict voice] Weighing in at 743lbs, Mark, AKA, where my fix at?
– I’ll just enter to some Parkway Drive [laughs]..and they’d say something like, “weighing in, at 100lbs. wet..” Hey, I’m Chris and I play guitar.

J: You guys are on tour right now, so that’s a good place to start. Could you tell us a little bit about how the tour is going and what your fall plans are.

BYD: There’s been a lot of foreign language speaking on this tour. No, we’ve been big Sepultara fans forever and they [Calavera Conspiracy] play everything we want to hear from back in the day. It’s like a delicious fruit salad. After this tour [SARCASM], we’re breaking up. That’s right, ten days from now. Bubble is going to work at U-haul for instance. However, before we break up we want to have 100k myspace friends. We want that myspace fame before we call it quits, but we can’t afford the friend adder right now. We had to fire the girl we hired to do it for us because she wanted a grand a week and wouldn’t take dating one of us as payment…..Anyways, we’ll be touring. we love touring and it’s great, let’s pick this up with greater questions or more at least [laughs].

[BYD begins to crack jokes about sex, travel, etc. and we lose track of the conversation]

J: If you guys could be anywhere else in the world right now, nay, had to be somewhere that wasn’t in this band on the road, where would it be?

BYD: Well, let’s go around the circle…
-Slim would be in Aruba
-Mike would be making his name in the porn industry
-Mark would be a competition fisherman
-Chris would be in Australia
-Unable to comprehend Bubble

[BYD then asks James is he has plans for his hair to which James responds he’s trying to get a job at Bob Evans so he may have to cut it]

BYD: Bob Evans is amazing. The have the best Crepes and Sunshine Skillet. We need to work with them or something.

J: I have no idea where we are with questions right now.

BYD: Let’s talk about sex or something, that’s what sells. [Conversation ensues with various jokes, and we realize why 9 people shouldn’t stand around and try to do an interview]

J: Okay, celebrities you desire and..

BYD: Porn star names, let’s do that as well

J: Alright, this interview is now controlled by Bury Your Dead, answer however you want. [to keep anonymity, we’ll just put a dash for each separate answer]

BYD: Okay, let’s do it: Celebrity you desire and porn star name.

– Tera Patrick, for two reasons. She has good feet and she’s married to the guy from Biohazard so it’s core. My name would be: Scotch Dimick

– Miley Cyrus and the name: Kickstand Brown.

– I don’t know and Weeping Willow.

– Whoever I could get and Dusty Nottingham

– Tori Lane and Puddy Carlisle

– Jenna Haze and Curly Jefferson

[The conversation breaks into 3 different discussions about girls, girls, Dillinger Escape Plans, girls, and…that’s about it. Then the band had to leave so we took our classic final question so they could get ready for the show.]

J: Well, we don’t do final questions, but rather give you some time to share any thought you want with our readers. You’re last question is just an open podium to share your thoughts, so let loose….this could be dangerous.

BYD:
– I wish Transformers 2 was coming out tomorrow. Not just for Meaghan Fox, but because I am psyched.

-If we didn’t get in trouble, I would pull a Manson and pee on people from stage nightly.

-It’s only gay if you say it’s gay

-[crack addict voice] Cocaine is crazy drug

– We need a life lesson here…If your friends have dated her and you know they’re clean, you’re all set.

– Oh, we have an album out. Self Titled, pick it up!

– What’s really is important is that some of us are single, ready to mingle, and we got the pringles, so once you pop, you can’t stop. We’re out!

J: Well, thank guys for being possibly the most hilarious conversation I’ve ever taken part in. We want to thank Bury Your Dead and Victory for working with us and hopefully we’ll get to talk these guys again later on down the road.

*Written By: James Shotwell*

James Shotwell
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