February 14th, 2009 
James Shotwell Band: Goblin Cock
Album: Come With Me If You Want To Live
Genre: Metal
Label: Robcore Records
Track Listing:
1. Hissless
2. Loch
3. Big Up Your Willies
4. We Got A Bleeder
5. Ode To Billy Jack
6. Beneath The Valley Of The Island Of Misfit Toys
7. Haint
8. Mylar
9. Tom’s Song
10. Trying To Get Along With Humans
It’s been a few years since the mighty metal militants of Goblin Cock have graced the aural sensors of listener’s ears with new material. The group’s last effort, Bagged and Boarded, which featured the popular single “Stumped,” was well received (at least by those who figured out that Goblin Cock was not your average metal band) by fans and critics alike. Come With Me If You Want To Live, the bands newest release picks up and starts running where the last album left off in 2005. One might say that the band is really starting to mature, but that would be stupid and inaccurate. The group, fronted by Lord Phallus (who may or may not be independent musical genius Rob Crow), features drudging metal guitar riffs, the powerful drumming of Braindeath (who may or may not be Bill Ward from Black Sabbath … he isn’t), and lyrical content that may not be consistent with your preconceived notion of metal (unless you think D&D is metal). This album is fun to put on for a good round of head banging, but it’s also something to put on when you’re tingling for something more unique than the usual generic garbage you listen to.
The first single off of Come With Me If You Want To Live, is the up-tempo “We Got A Bleeder.” The track is a straightforward guitar driven, detuned, rock fest, that is sure to be inciting riots of joy across the nation. Besides being a single, the song is a flat out rocker. What really separates this song is Lord Phallus’ ability to combine his metal compositions with his pop-music sensibilities. There’s no time wasted with drawn out instrumental sections or extended indulgent guitar solos, “We Got A Bleeder,” cuts (yeah, bleeding… cut… no?) right to the chase. If you’re going to base your opinion of this band on one selection put this song on and rock your little caboose off.
“Trying To Get Along With Humans,” the album’s tail-track, is classic G-Cock. This song kicks in right from the start, with no time wasted on a build up. For fans of fast and heavy guitar riffs, and “Hot For Teacher”-esque drumming, this is the song for you. Coming in at just over two-minutes in total run time, the song chugs along like freight train, and promise to “kill everybody.” While the song may not actually kill you, it should serve as a fair warning to get along with humans. Also be sure to make sure the blood has not been drained from your body after hearing this song.
It’s hard to accurately manifest what makes Goblin Cock unique. Fans of Rob Crow’s previous work, this album is another fantastic piece of music to add to the collection. For serious fans of metal, you probably aren’t going to like Goblin Cock. If you’re the type of metal fan who likes Star Wars action figures (and graphing your adoration for each figurine), you will probably want Goblin Cock wallpaper. Either way fans of Iron Maiden, Pinback, Hella, Goblin Cock, Tool, Goblin Cock, Slayer, Oingo Boingo, Slade, and Goblin Cock need to check out Come With Me If You Want To Live, your life depends on it (cheesy I know, but I get paid by the pun).
*Written By: Matthew Bullock*
Grade: 7.3/10
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