Sometimes we at UTG want to hear more from our friends than our own critical minds. So, when the opportunity arises, we give said friends a place to share their thoughts that isn’t on a stage or matched up for guitars and drums. This week, we bring you the second blog from Arise and Ruin’s Ben Alexis. The band’s new album come out Feb. 17, 2009 courtesy of Victory Records.

All right, so I have been home for the past 3 days sick as a dick again, this time I think I caught something from my girlfriend.   Point being I’m supposed to be on tour in the United States right now, but being Canadian and all, we need to buy work permits once a year and guess who didn’t file in time? Yeah my own dumb fault I’m aware, anyway we are legit again as of this afternoon and will be making out way back to the United States soon!

Today I’m going to talk about personal hygiene and being in a touring band because this is something important to me and should be to you other touring fellas out there.  I’m 26 years old and have spent the better part of the last 4 years living in a van and have come to appreciate the finer things in life, like showering on a somewhat regular basis and having clean underwear!

The shower thing is pretty easy to get around in Canada at least; most truck stops have surprisingly clean and affordable facilities with enough privacy to rub one out! I’m a firm supporter of the truck stop flog as opposed to busting a load on some kids moms shower floor, that sucks!  Anyway should you find yourself too broke or nowhere near a shower, you will likely at some point be around a convenient store, worst case scenario, take a stick of deodorant off the shelf and freshen up a little, baby wipes help soak up the hate as well!

Here is another one, bad breath, yeah you have probably had like 3-7 coffees to make that night drive happen, but at some point between the beer, smokes and pizza you just had, there was likely a water source and a place to brush your teeth, just cause you’re slugging it out on the road doesn’t mean you can’t pay your pearly whites a little attention.

You know what drives me fucking nuts though, dudes that don’t change their clothes, underwear or wear any underwear at all.  The novelty of being some dirt bag living on the road wears off quick and so does wearing the same underwear for over a day, I don’t care if you. Here is a story for you, last summer we were on tour with this dude that thought it was awesome to not wear underwear, a few coffees and a couple giggles later he shit his pants, no filter, shit to pants, no joke, it was awesome, anyway change your boxers, you run out, buy a 3 pack at wal mart for $9, fuck!

Let me tell you something else, when it comes to winter touring, bundle the fuck up, put on a jacket, ditch your vans that are likely full of holes anyway and put on something insulated! The cold sucks, especially up here in Canada, it’s fucking cold man! 

And last but not least, clean your vans!  It’s basically your home, would you piss in a bottle and leave it on the coffee table? Would you eat half a bag of chips and huck it on the floor? Would you jerk off on the love seat and leave it there? Honestly, I cant believe the way some bands treat their vans, no wonder they break down so often, they are trying to tell us something!

So what I’m trying to say here is, yeah its cool to tour, it’s exhausting, it’s dirty, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a little effort to not smell like shit!

*Written By: Ben Alexis*
*Posted By: James Shotwell*

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James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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