NEW FEATURE: Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop (week 1)

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We have been saying it for weeks, but Under The Gun Review is evolving. After three years, we are finally in a position that allows us to expand our coverage, offering you not only more coverage, but more original content as well.

Our latest feature, Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop, is our most outlandish column to date. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.

WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.

Love is hard

“I love being in love”-the formats.

One time I went to a famous music concert in Albany, NY to hang with my then Internet dreamy-queeny Cady Groves. At the time I was a very successful man in the “business,” so I did not have to pay to get into the show. I was +1. The show was upstairs, but there were no beers being sold in that sector of the venue and I didn’t pour enough beer into my mouth beforehand to last me through the concert. I went downstairs. I named this bar “Downstairs.”

I watched some of the bands playing but couldn’t get to the front row because I didn’t know all the words to some of the new songs. I felt like everyone was judging at me so I excused myself to take a breather. While I was outside I saw Ms. Cady. She waved. Not sure whether she remembered me from SXSW 2010 where I drank 13 Danny Akroyd Vodka Drinks off the free drink table and threw all the cupcakes at the wall, I introduced myself and told her I once saw a video of her where she was eating ice cream. She looked hungry so I offered her my Subway rewards card with enough points for your free basic 6″ sub. After that I invited her to a big party at my recording studio and offered to write the address on her arm. She didn’t seem to want to be written on and she gave me her phone number.

I text messaged her later asking about the quality of the sandwich. When I didn’t receive a response, I worried her phone was out of service, although she didn’t seem like a boost mobile type of girl to me. After a couple hours of her not responding, I drank a bottle of Malibu and called every girl in my phone and broke up with them. Sorry girls, I was just being Miley. Love is hard y’all-

Mr. Jayce

James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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  • how was the sub bb gurrrllllllll

  • Jeff

    Dumbest thing I’ve ever read.