Artist: Stephen Jerzak
Album: Miles And Miles
Genre: Pop
Label: Universal

I can’t figure out whether I’m meant to take this seriously or not. And if so, then to what extent. This is like Taylor Swift crossed with All Time Low (sorry Taylor, you don’t deserve that). It took me three attempts to get through enough of it to form an opinion. It’s OK if he’s aiming for a particular brand or market, but if it’s meant to be serious, then I’m genuinely stupefied. I’m clearly missing something of consummate important yet my brain stubbornly refuses to sacrifice the requisite cell in order to do so.

Let’s see. Miles and Miles is clearly designed as a feelgood, chirpy, tween kind of album to make you dance and forget your problems. At least, I assume so. There’s very little here by way of actual musical merit and please believe me when I say that autotuning has never made me want to smash something quite as fiercely before. The title track is cartoonish, with a Nickelodeon sitcom-style approach ramped up with synth, as if to make a design on kookiness. It’s much like alternative-lite, with a simple guitar melody and extremely sunny vocals. “Stood Me Up” has a simplistic, punchy rhythm and takes all its inspiration from cheesy chart pop – right down to the way every instrument sounds entirely artificial. There’s some delightful Jonas Brothers-style harmonizing in the bridge before the chorus, with everything carefully arranged to sound non-threateningly rambunctious.

The key thing to note about “Party Like You’re Single” is its title. This was my first clue that this might be aimed at someone above the age of 11 (although the way children are going these days, you never know). It opens with a melee of kaleidoscopic effects, before punching in a basic drum beat to propel it into distorted mass of echoing vocals, synth melodies, and bop-tastic percussion. It’s fairly awful, but if you (unlike me) are not a curmudgeon, you might hate yourself for kinda liking it. “Cute” then is a stunning piece of work. The vocals add a touch of gravity to their squeaky vowels so as to better invigorate choice lyrics such as “Your lips look lonely” and “Angels truly exist.” For every swooning teen who might go in for this sort of thing, I know at least one disgruntled French music buff who’d rather tear his eardrums out. But it is alright – hideous words aside, the melody is gentle and unassuming and it unfolds quite neatly.

Unfortunately, by the time we reach “Love Is Strong,” someone has broken the poor baby’s heart. It’s slow and gentle and painfully so. I can almost see his knuckles whitening as he grips the microphone for dear life and pours his heart out. Depending on your level of cynicism, this is either a disgustingly insipid piece of pointless on the miseries of being young and deluded (she forgot love existed, by the way) or a relative harmless reflection on how horrid it is to have someone just walk out on you. It’s also an acoustic guitar/vocal job with some suitably emotive strings to lend credence to his pain.

“Let Your Heart Do The Talking” seems to sound like a Christmas carol, then changes its mind. “Hot Over Summer” is kind of disturbing if you actually listen to what he says, so maybe focus on the chirpy piano keys and drum samples. It opens sweetly and easygoing before tipping the perky scales to 13 during the chorus. However, this could actually be one of the catchier songs on the album – there’s an extended section without any singing at all, when all the coiffed musical elements converge for a quick hurrah and it’s actually kind of…fun.

I might be going a tad overboard here, so I’ll keep the following brief. “Queen” seems to aim for a jazz overture, then cross references your token indie disembodied dance sound with classic materialism in the chorus. “Next Level” makes a valiant attempt to infuse itself with attitude in the use of a sassy rallying cry in the chorus, and fails. Leighton Meester is really barking up the wrong tree for street cred when it comes to music, as she puts in an appearance on the disco-tastic “She Said.” Thereafter, the title alone in “Ha to the Ppy” hurts my eyes, and my sole reaction to “Peace Out” was “thank goth it’s over.”

So, even in its wake, Miles and Miles still leaves me questioning the level of seriousness I’m supposed to attach to my analysis. In the course of pondering same, I have found one lyric from the album that sums it all up. “I’m so happy it’ll drive you crazy.” There’s your review!

Nightmarish.

SCORE: 2/10
Review written by: Grace Duffy

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James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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