Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop, is our most outlandish column to date. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.

WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.

“we are all on drugs” -Weezer not on the radio

When I started playing music, I went through weird phases. I was really into jazz and hip hop in high school, but I went to a very white redneck school where neither of those things were understood. I was the only kid who played drums in the entire school so naturally the school’s premiere Blink-182 cover band needed me to over play a bunch of songs that I hated. Once I was sick of that, I had made some friends out of school who were into way cooler things. I was playing in a band with people about 6-8 years my senior. I think this in turn prepared me for life in general. I had to grow up real fast and pretend a lot of things were not a big deal so I didn’t look like a complete pussy all the time.

I can remember one party in particular being pretty ruckus. A lot of illegal substance abuse going on. Not particularly by any of my band, but mostly people who wandered in from the street. Earlier that night I had seen a 20 year old man crying and attempting to kill himself by laying in the road. I think crying is really stupid so I left him laying there. And killing yourself if the most cowardly and selfish thing you can do.

When I got to the party, which my band was playing, I was greeted by a man snorting K on the stove while baking cookies. Whatever gets you through the day I guess. I needed to use the bathroom so I went in and locked the door behind me. As I’m sitting taking a dump I hear some strange noises. I lean over, pants around my ankles and pull back the shower curtain. Keep in mind I am 16 years old right now. I pull back the curtain to find a man shooting heroine in the shower. He makes eye contact with me and I’m not too sure what to say. So I just continue my business, wipe my ass and get up and flush. I then say the only thing I can think of which is “let me get out of your hair”. What else do you say? I can say that he did not try to sell me a MacBook, so there’s a plus.

After I get out, the police raid the house because its obnoxiously loud. Being 16 years old, I jump off the 2nd story back porch into the bushes, and then run to the bowling alley. I don’t remember going bowling though.

Seeing someone shoot heroine is pretty interesting. Seems like a whole lot of trouble to go through to do drugs. If you are going to do drugs at someone else’s house, maybe do something a little less time consuming that requires less tools? And don’t leave your needles on the sink, no one else wants to use them later. You are not doing anyone a solid.

Mr. Jayce

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James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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