REASONABLE REMAKES: The Wraith

Under The Gun is continuing our efforts to bring you more original and engaging content with REASONABLE REMAKES. Written by film-nerd Justin Proper, this column aims to highlight Hollywood’s forgotten gems and spark debate.

You see, we’ve grown tired of Hollywood rehashing ideas we’re old enough to remember. Why remake something the majority of the planet still remembers and loves deeply when there are tons of films that deserve a chance to be as great as modern technology and skill can make them? If you agree, this column is for you.

If you have any suggestions for films or topics you’d like to see covered on REASONABLE REMAKES, please send an email titled “remakes” to utgjames@gmail.com.

The 80’s were a magical time. Movie studios did mountains of cocaine and green-lit every other script that came through the door. “They pretend a dead guy is still alive for a whole weekend? I LOVE IT! Here’s some money. Nerds make a girl that’s a genie with a computer? How much do you need!? Something about a commando? WE’LL GET ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER AND MAKE MILLIONS!!!!” Sorry about all the caps, but they did more cocaine than Dr. Rockzo hanging out with Tony Montana. Because of these policies we got the gem that is The Wraith, which is way overdue for a remake.

The Wraith is a sci-fi ghost story (because just sci-fi or ghost wasn’t enough on its own for the 80’s) about a gang of “road pirates” who bully people in to racing them for pink slips. Of course the gang always wins and of course they’re a bunch of douchebags on par with Dane Cook for likability. This is great because they start to get killed off by a phantom driver in a super futuristic car (well, by 80’s standards anyways). There’s a romantic plot involving Charlie Sheen (the only recognizable face other than Randy Quaid, who plays the town sherrif) and a girl that the leader of the gang thinks is his girlfriend, but I’m not going to outline the whole movie for you, go watch it yourself.

Other than the sci-fi ghost driver everything about this movie is more or less set in reality, but they really up the ridiculous with the guy. His car drives off and turns in to lights that fly through the sky, he’s decked out in a weird Road Warrior meets Predator racing suit and he carries a “futuristic” gun (it’s just a spas-12 with lights on it). This unnecessary use of sci-fi in an otherwise totally fun action ghost story is why this movie deserves a remake. I say we make him just a ghost. That’s really enough, we don’t need to over-complicate this. The plot remains completely intact as he was already a ghost. The sci-fi was more unnecessary than National Treasure 2. Obviously we’ll update the cars and give it a Fast And The Furious feel (I mean the first one, 2-4 sucked more than Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull). I think with today’s audience a good street racing ghost tale would sell a lot of tickets and be a lot of fun to watch.

I think that Paul W. S. Anderson would be a good director for this remake. He is pretty good at making movies that aren’t exactly oscar winners, but really fun to watch anyways (I still watch Mortal Kombat every time it’s on tv). We know he can do good work with cars (the Death Race remake was exciting and directed well regardless of the plot) and we know he’s great at action (I’m not afraid to admit I love the Resident Evil movies). The only worries I have is that Hollywood would also hire him to write it, and then we might get another Alien vs. Predator situation, which no one wants.

For casting I’d love to have an unknown cast fill the roles (sorry, no Emma Stone this week) except for the town sheriff. I think that’s the only role that really needs someone we know, and that someone should probably be Nicolas Cage. Yeah, that’s right, the wicker man himself. I know he can’t act. I’m well aware he only has a career because his real last name is Coppola (just like Sophie). I don’t care that he’s either emotionless or more angry than anybody has ever been in the history of mankind. None of that matters. It’s a small role, he’ll bring in some people (I can’t believe there’s actual Cage fans out there either) and you know what, he’s hilarious in movies that you don’t need to take seriously. Go ahead internet, flame me in the comments, I’ll defend my ironic love for the Cagester.

That’s it for this week. Go watch The Wraith. Seriously, it’s worth it. While you eagerly await my next article (I’m talking to you two people who always comment) enjoy this new segment I’m starting (and maybe ending, we’ll see) called “Best Parts Of Shitty Remakes”. This week is Nic Cage, punching women from The Wicker Man.

Written by: Justin Proper

James Shotwell
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6 Responses to “REASONABLE REMAKES: The Wraith”

  1. Adam Miedema says:

    You loved the Wraith so much you wrote an article about it.  Good work JP, I like the articles and look forward to hearing your ideas, but you leave me wanting more-I want you to start remaking these films-even if it has to be as whimsical as Be Kind Rewind.    

  2. enigmaDAEDAL says:

    You have good taste in bad movies.

    The only thing I can say I’d do differently is… I wouldn’t cast Cage. Ever. Unless I can light him on fire ala Kick Ass. But I digress…I would’ve found a way to sober Charlie Sheen up for a few days and got HIM for the sheriff, as an homage to the original film.

    There is so much potential in this movie to be a kick ass ghost story with a heart, but I feel like you didn’t really capture that bit. You left out the stuff with his brother. While it was remarkably cheesy and seemed almost like an afterthought (Shit! We forgot to write an ending for his brother!), I feel like a good writer could get some decent stuff from it.
    And as long as casting doesn’t go like the last RE film (Fuck whoever it was who played Chris Redfield) , Anderson would be fine. Cameo by Mila? Mmkay.

  3. JP says:

    I’ll see what I can do…I have a lot of free time. 

  4. JP says:

    It’s sentimental enough with the girl, and you’re right, that brother thing really felt like they just threw it in as an afterthought. There’s now way to get Sheen, he’s got too much tiger blood in his veins, but Randy Quaid could just take the role again. Either way, Cage is the best choice, he won an oscar. 

  5. enigmaDAEDAL says:

    The question isn’t whether or not he won an Oscar, it’s if he deserved it…

  6. JP says:

    The answer is no.