Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop (Week 14)

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Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop, is our most outlandish column to date. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.

WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.

“Lightning Crashes” -Live, live

Music videos are such a funny idea. Let’s film people singing in totally unrealistic situations. Actually it’s pretty unrealistic to see anyone singing not on a stage. People are self-conscious pussies. When have you ever seen anyone in a band openly sing at a party, or in front of their school dance, or walking down the street in NYC? If you were walking down the street singing your dumb song at the top of your lungs, I would hope you would get mugged like I did in union square. A dude put a knife up to my stomach and was ready to install some air vents.

Although pop videos can be pretty bad, metal videos are by far the worst. I’d much rather watch fairly skilled choreographed dances in the street, then choreographed caveman/crab walking in the woods, or on the rooftop of the Victory Records building. I thought everyone who listened to breakdowns started listening to dubstep? Maybe dubstep doesn’t have enough choreography? Blah.

Speaking of dubstep, are you guys aware there is something called “live dubstep”? I recently went to a live music event where dubstep was played “live”. Beyond the space bar being pushed, nothing was played live, trust me. It reminded me of a Stephen Jerzak concert. Someone in the back pushes play and a bunch of people pretend to do things on stage.

Music made me sick this week. Not like “I’m partying, but I have to vomit so I can keep going” sick, but like “sit on the toilet all day sick, occasionally rotating to puke on top of your bowl of bloody diarrhea” sick. I’m really hoping this week something will make me like music again. Hopefully Stephen Jerzak’s computer puts out a new “live” album. Hopefully it’s dubstep.

Mr. Jayce

James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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