REASONABLE REMAKES: Remake Update

Under The Gun is continuing our efforts to bring you more original and engaging content with REASONABLE REMAKES. Written by film-nerd Justin Proper, this column aims to highlight Hollywood’s forgotten gems and spark debate.

You see, we’ve grown tired of Hollywood rehashing ideas we’re old enough to remember. Why remake something the majority of the planet still remembers and loves deeply when there are tons of films that deserve a chance to be as great as modern technology and skill can make them? If you agree, this column is for you.

Over the last few months I have voiced my opinion on plenty of remakes that were in the works. You guys have probably been sitting around thinking “Gee, I sure wish he would update us on some of those remakes he mentioned months ago because we do not have the Googles or know how to research things.”

 

Most of my readers are in elementary school, right?

 

Anyways, here are some of the remakes I have mentioned and some updates on them, if there have been any.

 

Martyrs

There are currently no updates on this remake since they found a director for it…in late 2010. Hopefully this means it has been shelved indefinitely, especially considering that an American remake of this film would suck harder than whatever project Adam Sandler is releasing next.

 

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Fans of the original series can breathe a (at least temporary) sigh of relief. The script for this remake was completely rejected. This should, at the very least, set the project back a bit, if not shelf it completely. The reason for the script reject? The script did not live up to expectations. It turns out that even Hollywood has standards when it comes to ruining your favorite franchises.

 

Dredd

This one is still on track and still probably going to be awesome. Recent interviews with the co-creator of the comic book, who also happens to be consulting on the film, have revealed that the new movie will stick close to the source material and will not disappoint fans. Plus, check out this pic of the new Dredd.

Stallone never looked this bad ass in the 90's.

 

Evil Dead

I really did not want my opinion on this remake to change. Previously, I said this would not suck, based on the fact that Raimi was said to be heavily involved. Now it looks like I may have to eat my words. The lead actress jumped ship and the script was re-written by Diablo Cody. Sure, Cody has some good films, but she also made Jennifer’s Body which I heard was not all that great. I guess we will have to wait and see on this one, but I am betting the first trailer is going to be the nail in the necrinomicon on this one being good.

 

The Crow

Just when you hope this one will stay down it gets right back up. After a legal dispute that looked like it was going to kill this destined to be shitty remake they found a director and a writer. F. Javier Gutierrez has all but signed the papers on directing. If that name does not sound familiar to you let me save you a trip to imdb, The guy has not made anything you have heard of, or anything that has been very popular outside of Spain. Writing this remake is Jesse Wigutow, the guy who wrote the script for Eragon, you know, the movie with the dragons based on the books for tweens. Yep, real winning pair there.

 

Akira

The movie gods have smiled upon us. This remake has been shelved. The reason? They wanted to make it on a budget less than Jack and Jill got. Now, keep in mind that Jack and Jill got 79 million…ugh…sorry…I just threw up a little…but can you imagine a live action Akira on that budget? Neither could the studios apparently, and that is the best update I saw while rounding up facts for this column.

 

Justin Proper was not caught on video doing heroin recently, despite the rumors circulating on the internet. You can follow him on Twitter.

 

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One Response to “REASONABLE REMAKES: Remake Update”

  1. I didn’t care for the first Crow.  Do we really need another one?  Jury’s still out on Judge Dredd.  Heard the original film was like a poor man’s Robocop.  A Buffy remake is completely unnecessary.