Under The Gun is continuing our efforts to bring you more original and engaging content with REASONABLE REMAKES. Written by film-nerd Justin Proper, this column aims to highlight Hollywood’s forgotten gems and spark debate.

You see, we’ve grown tired of Hollywood rehashing ideas we’re old enough to remember. Why remake something the majority of the planet still remembers and loves deeply when there are tons of films that deserve a chance to be as great as modern technology and skill can make them? If you agree, this column is for you.

It was reported yesterday that the team behind Horrible Bosses would be directing the upcoming Vacation  reboot. That movie will happen one way or another, so you might as well get used to it. Now at first glance this sounds like pretty decent news. “Oh hey, I saw Horrible Bosses and that was a pretty funny movie, they got those same guys to direct? Great!” may be what you are thinking, but keep in mind they got the writers of the movie to direct. The writers. Not the director. Anyways, I decided to tackle the job of casting this movie for them, as they will probably be busy looking up things like “How to command the respect of your actors” and “Production Assistants: How hard can you actually work them?” in the Directing For Dummies book they just bought.

Screw up the coffee order and you will never make it to "guy who moves cables".

The Vacation reboot supposedly will pick up with Rusty as an adult taking his family on a vacation. So right off the bat we can probably count on an Old Man Chevy appearance at some point in the movie. That will be a fun nod to the old films, but who should play the lead role of Rusty? Thankfully for us, Rusty has been played by a different actor in each Vacation movie. He has been played by a diverse group of actors like the nerd from Weird Science all the way to the nerd from The Big Bang Theory. What this means is there really is no restriction on what Rusty has to look like all grown up because he has looked like a completely different person every few years anyways.

To keep the feel of the original movies we need a family man who tries hard but still fails but still rallies everyone around in the end. This person should be able to do some physical comedy as well as coming off as just the right amount of sarcastic. I think that the man for that job is Steve Carell. In his movies where he plays a family man he feels like a real dad just trying a little too hard or just not getting things quite right which is perfect for this role. Plus, we have seen him do some zany physical comedy, so if they need someone to hang off of the Hoover Dam, they have got their man. If you still have your doubts, picture Carell saying some of Clark’s famous lines, he is, after all, his father’s son. When I think of Carell delivering the classic “Roll em’ up.” line it strikes me as a perfect transformation of father to son.

Steve is going to need a "normal" role after whatever is happening here anyways.

Now that we have the character that is tied to the original movie taken care of we can create his family. A good counterpoint to Carell as Rusty would be Kristen Wiig as his wife. With her recent success from Bridesmaids she is ripe for the picking for Hollywood. You should expect to see a lot of her in the next few years, so why not pair her up with another great comedian in an iconic movie series? The chemistry between Wiig and Carell would work really well and I think they make a pretty believable couple onscreen.

She is pretty hot too. That helps.

A family has kids, right? That is the whole reason they go on vacations to places like Wally World. Two kids seems to be the magic number for onscreen families, usually a boy and a girl of varying ages. I like Clark Duke as the older brother and Landry Bender as the younger sister. Clark Duke’s disinterested apathy for all things family would be a great pairing with Carrel’s over-enthusiasm for giving his kids what he had. Landry Bender would be a great sibling for Duke. They could have exchanges that would be really funny and genuine to give the vibe of real siblings.

If all else fails he can just soften his voice and play a lesbian.

One of my favorite characters from the original Vacation movies was Cousin Eddie. Instead of just having him come back we should be introduced to Rusty’s brother in law, who is just as memorable of a character as Eddie was in the originals. The perfect choice for this type of character is Brian Posehn. He is big, goofy, a little scary, and has a voice that you can not mistake for anyone else’s. But that is not all. Brian Posehn’s character should be married to Patton Oswalt. These real life comedian friends would make the most hilarious gay couple to ever appear on screen. I am not saying they would steal every scene they were in, but they would totally steal every scene they were in.

No caption could ever add to this level of hilarity.

Vacation is getting a reboot. You can not stop it. Sorry, there really is nothing you can do. All we can hope for is that the first time directors wont screw it up. A big help would be a great cast, which could make or break the film. The people I have outlined here would definitely make for a memorable and hilarious movie. Lets just hope that Hollywood listens, otherwise the Vacation reboot could fail pretty hard.

Justin Proper voted for Nicolas Cage in the Michigan Primary Election. You can follow him on Twitter.




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