REVIEW: Freshman 15 – Here’s To Feeling Good

Artist: Freshman 15
Album: Here’s To Feeling Good
Genre: Pop-punk
Label: Standby Records

Freshman 15 have been on the go for ten years, apparently. That’s ten years they’ve been peddling the same glassy lyrical effluence and setting it to mediocre music. I’m sure this was put together with good intentions, but that can’t disguise the fact it is standard issue sub-pop nonsense. It is like prepubescent rock music, all surly behavior and delusions of grandeur but with a vacant, gaping chasm where the vision and ability should be. Really, after ten years, they should know better.

The title of the opening song, “Secret of the Oohs/Wizard of the Ahhs” doesn’t inspire much confidence, an apprehension that’s confirmed when the sound comes in. I say sound, cos it’s not quite music, more a peculiar blend of vocal histrionics that seem to fail at being whimsical. It perks up with the token pop-punk jams towards the end, and you’ll know it cos it sounds exactly like every other substandard pop punk band since time immemorial. “Mistake Ex-Girlfriend” is similarly bad, its temporarily affable vocals the only promising aspect of the song. The singing lends the music a kind of fresh-faced earnestness that just about excuses how unoriginal and vapid it all is. This is not, by the way, to imply that the vocals have any actual merit and tolerance for them sharply decreases as the album progresses. In this song, it’s more a case that they’re the best of a very bad bunch.

“Drink to That” starts life as a ballad, so it’s a bit more likeable. It takes the softly, softly approach before melting into a faintly evocative, extremely pop-tastic song with a decent rhythm. It wouldn’t be out of place in One Direction’s setlist (I don’t know if the latter have tarnished American soil yet but if not, think Justin Bieber instead), and manages to evolve into a vaguely acceptable balance of harmonies and hooks. “Anywhere But Here” features a sudden dash of idealistic rebellion as their drumming throws some discord into the fray, and the guitars get a bit edgy in the second verse. It’s cute, if aimless.

“Getting Weird” is actually alright. It’s a bit like All Time Low-lite, not that any band should be aspiring to that comparison. There’s a piano and a genuinely rather catchy beat. It’s still quite stupid, but is at least stupidly good fun, and hurls plenty of fashionably acerbic retorts at an arrogant guitar line that seems tailored for a teen movie. “Harder Than Mine” is sad, but awful. The lyrics are really stupefying. If there was any kind of ambition on display where their vocabulary is concerned, I probably wouldn’t be quite as disinterested. There’s a strong bass line but it’s formulaic and silly, though likely to attract any kind of fangirl interest going.

“Close to Me” constantly interrupts itself in a forced attempt to be catchy. “Come Back for More” has a nice twinkling effect in the chorus – be it an actual keyboard or a sample, it’s far more interesting than anything else in the song. That is at least until a spot of group hand-clapping comes in and leads me to ponder whether the band themselves even take this stuff seriously. The opening lyric of “Goodnight at Daylight” is “Starlit sky can’t shine as bright as our kiss goodnight,” so that’s doomed from the outset. Indeed, the Bard they are not. “My Bad” ambitiously injects the drums with rocket fuel while the listener sits and giggles at the results. Or at least, I do. Maybe I’m cruel and cynical, but this is charmless and nonsensical.

The finest moment is saved for last, in the remixed version of “Our California Song.” For ‘remix’ read ‘auto-tune’ as the band reach new lows with electronic voice technology. To quote a better lady’s writing, four for you, Freshman 15. I sat through all of this in a kind of twisted, macabre fascination, wondering who on earth thought this was a good idea. It really does sound that bad. Mind, if said person’s brain was skewed by the vivid lack of quality permeating the rest of the album, you’d forgive them the occasional brainfart.

If all of the above didn’t already tell you, this is a really bad record.

SCORE: 2/10
Review written by Grace Duffy

James Shotwell
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