March 29th, 2012 
James Shotwell 
Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop is the most outlandish column on UTG. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.
WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.
I’ve been home writing for a little while and I have to say, it’s been pretty strange. Transitioning from touring all year round to just sitting in front of a computer screen with my guitar has been very weird. I haven’t had a lack of good ideas and i don’t think i’ve exhausted myself as far as writing goes, but every thing is definitely different. I never used to think about where i drew influence from, or even really think at all. Now, thinking takes up the majority of my day.
It’s an interesting thing to write songs with people you don’t know. And every once in a while you come across some interesting characters. Some time ago I was out in California on a writing trip, and I was booked for about 2 weeks with at least a 1 session everyday with a person i had never met before. These people were of all different skill levels. Veterans of songwriting, as well as some new comers like myself. There were people from all over the world. An ex-90’s star from Germany who found everything to be romantic, a group of swedish writers who introduced me to SNUS, some trust fund kids from Malibu, the people were really all over the place. Every day is a brand new experience, and you never have any idea what you are walking in to.
The craziest day on this trip in particular, was at a compound up in a canyon. I had shown up about an hour late, kinda worried I would be pissing someone off. When i arrived I realized that no one had really even gotten up yet. There were a number of buildings, all filled with different artists, writers and friends. A few parents as well. The day was just all over the place. I was trying to figure out what everyone’s role was at the house, but there were too many people doing different things to try to comprehend. I figured out who was the guy who rolled spliffs all day, who was the guy overlooking the entire operation, and most importantly who I would be writing with.
A few hours went by and I was feeling antsy in the writing session and like I had enough of writing for the day. By the time I was done writing, this place had pretty much turned into a full fledged party. It was pretty awesome. Beers, stuff to smoke, hot chicks, ya know, all the things that i never have. There was also a fine mexican dinner being prepared. While in line for dinner, I see the delegated spliff roller trying to construct a burrito. You would think a man with such good rolling skills, could roll a good burrito, considering that was his one job in the house. Or at least this was what i was assuming all day. Sadly, the skills did not transfer over and his plate was a mess. Having been pretty quiet all day i decided i had the perfect time to shine with a joke. At the perfect moment when everyone could see me and this atrocious burrito plate he had made, i said “So the rolling thing didn’t really transfer over, huh?”.
The crowd didn’t exactly erupt in laughter as it had played out in my mind, but i feel like i got a few chuckles. Maybe everyone was laughing because they felt bad for the new guy. I guess i will never know, but i’m pretty proud of that joke. As I continued this week, I wrote some of the most successful songs I have written to date. I can’t say who’s to blame. Maybe it was something in the burrito? Keep an open mind wherever you go, because it’s the days where you feel the least comfortable where you are going to learn the most.
Mr. Jayce
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