Under The Gun is continuing our efforts to bring you more original and engaging content with REASONABLE REMAKES. Written by film-nerd Justin Proper, this column aims to highlight Hollywood’s forgotten gems and spark debate.

You see, we’ve grown tired of Hollywood rehashing ideas we’re old enough to remember. Why remake something the majority of the planet still remembers and loves deeply when there are tons of films that deserve a chance to be as great as modern technology and skill can make them? If you agree, this column is for you.

The 80’s had a lot of movies where normal people encountered zany creatures and went on adventures with them. Sometimes it was a robot, a demon Furby, or an alien from space, and even once or twice it was Bigfoot. These kind of movies died out and were replaced with kids getting put in terrifying situations like fighting dinosaurs because we all know the 90’s were edgy and extreme. I think it is time to return to the zany creature movies, and a remake of Harry and the Hendersons would be a great start.

This is far less nightmare inducing than velociraptors.

For those that have not seen Harry and the Hendersons I will save you a trip to wikipedia and recap the plot. The Henderson family are on the way back from a camping trip when they accidentally run over Bigfoot. They think the creature is dead so they strap it to the car and drive it home, Mitt Romney style. After they get it home they realize it might not be dead when it starts being alive and goes nuts in their house. Eventually it calms down and accepts that the family might night be after its delicious mythological meat, and then they name it Harry. Harry runs off to the city, scaring the hell out of everyone who sees him, and the Hendersons realize that it might be kind of hard to keep a Bigfoot under wraps, so they get him back to the woods and return him to his home, where they see him chilling out with some more Bigfoot…Bigfeet? Bigfoots? Whatever, more dudes like him. The movie received mixed reviews, but it did win an Academy Award for Best Makeup, probably for making John Lithgow not the craziest looking character on screen.

I don't know how they did it either, Mr. Lithgow.

Now that it is 2012 and we are a nation obsessed with terrible reality shows Harry and the Hendersons is ready for a remake. The reason? ‘Squatch hunters. These people are Bigfoot enthusiasts who apparently spend all their time and money looking for a ‘Squatch (which is short for Sasquatch). Much like the ghost hunters that were extremely popular a few years ago (right around the time Paranormal Activity came out) these ‘Squatch hunters also have their own shows and sub culture and people that adamantly believe there are, in fact, some ‘Squatches in the woods (I know this because my brother refuses to acknowledge all of my logical arguments against a Bigfoot actually existing when he watches Finding Bigfoot).

Nothing says "serious business" like a light on your head.

What does this have to do with Harry and the Hendersons? Everything. Remake the movie with the premise that it is a reality show. Give it a style like The Office, which everyone loves now, and set it up on the surface as a mockumentary. Instead of a team of cryptozoologists just have an obsessed dad dragging his family along for the ride. You have the supportive wife, the sarcastic son who does not believe, and the young daughter that wants to find Bigfoot more than anything. Boom, heartwarming family film with a zany creature and some hilarious misadventures. Someone get my address to Hollywood so they can cut me a check.

"What's the deal with road rage? You're not mad at the road!" -Jerry Seinfeld (probably)

The real question is who should play Harry? You could go the same route as last time and get the guy behind the Predator mask to wear some makeup, but I think we can have more fun than that. My perfect Bigfoot for this movie would be Jason Segel in makeup. He is already really tall and imposing, seeing him running around in the woods would be not only hilarious, but also very non-threatening, which is perfect for a family film. Plus Segel could help write the script, which would add that goofy kind of comedy he is known for.

He's having a bad hare day. Get it? GET IT?!? COME ON THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!!!

You know what? Jason Segel should play the dad too. His enthusiasm for mythical creatures in How I Met Your Mother is spot on for the character, and it would be a laugh riot to see him interacting with himself in makeup the whole time. If Eddie Murphy can have a whole family of Eddie Murphys I think Jason Segel can at least play the creature he has spent his whole life looking for.

A Harry and the Hendersons remake would be a great family film and be culturally relevant with all of the reality shows about finding these creatures that are on TV right now. Sound off in the comment section if you agree and be sure to tell all your friends about how smart and handsome I am.

Justin Proper is busy growing his hair back out to Thor length so he can summon lightning again like he used to. You can follow him on Twitter. 

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Justin Proper

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