Woman Sues Bieber for 9 Million, No One Knows Who To Laugh At

terrorist bieb

In a recent report from NME, Justin Bieber is currently being sued for $9 million for “damaging a woman’s ear.” No, it’s not because he’s Canadian and should go back to his own country and stop infecting the minds of the United States’ youth. According to the report, while Justin went over the crowd in a heart-shaped carriage there was a wave of screaming from 12 year old girls underneath him. This pre-pubescent reaction to a young boy (or girl?) in a heart shaped box (cause you know, he’s Kurt Cobain) left the woman with tinnitus and permanently damaged hearing.

I could make the obvious joke about how “his music is so bad he caused someone hearing loss,” but that would be too easy. I could also make some crass “the music industry sucks, how is he so popular?” joke, but again, that’s a cop out. Instead, I will say one thing:

Hey lady, wanna know how you could have avoided this ENTIRE situation? Don’t take your daughter to Justin Bieber. I know, she’s a Belieber or whatever the hell it’s called, but you had to know what you were in for. Bring ear plugs if you have sensitive ears. Honestly, I’ve been to some of the loudest shows you can possibly imagine, and I’ve never gotten tinnitus. I kinda hoped her hearing damage was from the screams of people crying out for help after Cthulu took Justin Bieber away for his own enjoyment. Alas, we all can’t have our way. And for the record, I’m still convinced Bieber has some alternate plan for world domination under his sleeve. I mean look at the featured image, I’m pretty sure he is the antichrist.



Tyler Osborne

Live in DC, grew up in PA. I specialize in writing, filming and taking pictures about punk, pop-punk, and hardcore music, and I also have a huge background in film as well. When not on the site, i'm running my own internet radio show, ToZ's Edge Radio (www.facebook.com/tozedgeradio). I also love stage diving and goldfish.
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