Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop (Week 52)

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Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop is the most outlandish column on UTG. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.

WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.

So this marks 52 weeks or an entire year (give or take a few weeks of breaks I took) of writing a column about my life. Pretty pretentious to think that people would be interested in anything I have to say, but thank you for all the comments and notes you guys have sent over the last year to me. It’s good to know that some people are on my team!

As I’m sitting on this red-eye flight from LAX to NY, it made me think about the last time I took a red eye flight and how terrible it was. I was on tour writing with a band for a couple weeks staying in the back lounge of their tour bus. The band would play a couple shows each day and the singer would take any time off he could to come sit in the back and write. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been given deadlines to do something creative like make a song, but it gets pretty frustrating. When I am working on my own songs, I have as much time as I want. Things were different this time though, because of the fast pace the band was on. There was no time to dick around on my behalf. I was being paid and also flown first class to write with this band, so I had to produce something good no matter how stuck I was. I have always been good at coming up with things under pressure and I’m really proud of what I came up with on this trip, especially given the strange circumstances.

It was the last night for me on the tour and I decided it was time to party. I think we were in Texas, or somewhere down in the abyss known as the southwest. I think I was drinking “Four Loko” or some kind of terrible fruity malt beverage with way too much caffeine in it. Things were getting wild. Our friend came very drunk and tattooed a crude Charlie Brown on my leg. He was so drunk that he spilled his drink, took his shirt off, wiped it up with his shirt, then put his shirt back on.

While I’m sitting in the back of the bus getting tattooed an older gentleman walks on the bus. There I am pretty wasted getting tattooed by another wasted guy on the back of the bus and I am introduced to this older guy. It takes me about 2 minutes to figure out that it was Selena Gomez’s dad. LOL.

With about 4 full songs done the bus delivered me to the airport. Very drunk and cranky at 2am I hopped a very turbulent red eye flight back to Albany, NY. I was sitting first class but I was so miserable and tired that it felt like I was in the cargo area.

Thank you guys for reading my column and sharing it with your friends! If you have any comments or suggestions tweet me @jaycedinoclub. Here’s to another year of poor grammar and bad jokes!

Mr. Jayce

James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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