WHAT THE FILM!? – ‘National Treasure: Book Of Secrets’

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What The Film?! is a weekly column exclusive to Under The Gun Review that brings to light the plot holes Hollywood hoped you’d never notice. Written by comedy writer Dane Sager, this column shows no mercy to films that try and pull the proverbial wool over our eyes.

If you know a film with major plot holes that you feel needs to be exposed, tell us! Email utgjames@gmail.com with the subject “What The Film” and we’ll try to get your suggestion featured on the site.

This Week’s Movie: National Treasure: Book Of Secrets

Hey everyone! It’s me, Dane Sager! Go ahead and ignore that thing up there that says “Justin Proper” posted this, because I am totally not him. There is pretty much no way that Justin guy stole my face and is currently wearing it and impersonating me. Nope, no way at all. FACE/OFF was just a movie, that kind of technology does not exist yet. What do you mean you do not believe me? Clearly, I am Dane. I like dick jokes and hate eating meat. See? Dane.

I also like all sorts of hats and humorous poses.

Happy Nic-Cage-November everybody! The response to both mine and Justin’s (because I’m not him) Nic Cage themed columns has been extremely positive! It is so great to know that we are not the only ones out there with such a love for the great actor. Since it is still November that means that the Cageian goodness continues, so rejoice! This also marks the most exclamation points that I have ever used in a singe paragraph, and that is pretty Cage-esque, as Cage is known for his use of extreme excitement and enthusiasm to bring his characters to life. Woo!

THIS IS MY ACTING FACE!

In 2004 NiCage decided that he had mastered the art of making pretty much every sort of movie that existed, except for one: the Disney movie. This lead to him (probably) just calling up Disney and saying something along the lines of “Hey, Disney, It’s me, Nic Cage! I haven’t done one of your movies yet, so could you go ahead and make one for me to star in? Great!”. This lead to the hugely successful (and crazy as Cage himself) movie National Treasure. Finally someone had made a film with a plot that reflected Cage’s personality. It was completely absurd in the most perfect way. After that film made a small fortune a sequel was green-lit, and this time things got really out of control.

This isn’t even a still from the movie, Cage was just yelling at his co-star for fun.

In National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (henceforth referred to as just BoS) Ben Gates (Nic Cage) is back in the treasure hunting game after someone declares that his great great grandfather was a conspirator in the Lincoln assassination. In an attempt to clear his family’s name Gates sets off following clues across the world (France and England) to eventually hunt down the lost city of gold. Spoiler Alert the city is under Mount Rushmore because of course it is.

Clearly Roosevelt is hiding something…

I am willing to suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy the movie, despite how unbelievable it really is. So what if Gates manages to kidnap the president, it helped the plot move along. It does not matter that the city of London apparently has no police force, that car chase through it’s streets was very entertaining and exciting. Of course Gates could not have gotten in to that room in Buckingham Palace that easily, but they never would have gotten to find the city of gold if he had been arrested and imprisoned. I get that. I am even willing to let it slide that they are able to take a picture of the page from the book of secrets with a cell phone despite not being able to do that earlier in the film in a similar situation.

Those traffic cameras sure are high resolution!

BoS is a fun movie. People like it. Josh Hammond, one of the writers for UTG, even said “I really like those National Treasure movies, but don’t tell anyone I said that.”. Ummm…sorry Josh. These movies are so good at sucking people in that they make you forget all about logic. So much so that in BoS there is a major flaw in the plot. The whole reason Ben Gates is looking for the city of gold was to get definitive proof that his ancestor was not part of the Lincoln assassination (his name was in John Wilkes Booth’s diary with a bunch of other conspirators). Even if they find the city of gold (which they do) all it does is prove that Gates was working on a cipher with the men. This still implies he was helping the conspirators. Best case scenario now Gates is just the guy who was trying to help the confederates find a bunch of gold to help overthrow the government, it in no way is proof he was trying to stop them or anything. Nic Cage is just so convincing at everything that the entire world forgets that you need proof to prove things. He is that good.

No, Mr. Cage, you are.

Dane Sager is not tied up somewhere without a face. I promise. You can follow him…er…me on Twitter and Tumblr! I’m Dane.

 

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