Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop (Week 9)

Sex, Drugs, And Bubblegum Pop, is our most outlandish column to date. Written by Mr. Jayce, vocalist for Secret Secret Dino Club and all-round funny guy, this column isn’t as much about the music as it is the experiences people in the music industry have.

WARNING: This column does and will continue to contain content some readers may find offensive. If you don’t have a sense of humor, this column is probably not for you.

“we are all on drugs” -Weezer not on the radio

When I started playing music, I went through weird phases. I was really into jazz and hip hop in high school, but I went to a very white redneck school where neither of those things were understood. I was the only kid who played drums in the entire school so naturally the school’s premiere Blink-182 cover band needed me to over play a bunch of songs that I hated. Once I was sick of that, I had made some friends out of school who were into way cooler things. I was playing in a band with people about 6-8 years my senior. I think this in turn prepared me for life in general. I had to grow up real fast and pretend a lot of things were not a big deal so I didn’t look like a complete pussy all the time.

I can remember one party in particular being pretty ruckus. A lot of illegal substance abuse going on. Not particularly by any of my band, but mostly people who wandered in from the street. Earlier that night I had seen a 20 year old man crying and attempting to kill himself by laying in the road. I think crying is really stupid so I left him laying there. And killing yourself if the most cowardly and selfish thing you can do.

When I got to the party, which my band was playing, I was greeted by a man snorting K on the stove while baking cookies. Whatever gets you through the day I guess. I needed to use the bathroom so I went in and locked the door behind me. As I’m sitting taking a dump I hear some strange noises. I lean over, pants around my ankles and pull back the shower curtain. Keep in mind I am 16 years old right now. I pull back the curtain to find a man shooting heroine in the shower. He makes eye contact with me and I’m not too sure what to say. So I just continue my business, wipe my ass and get up and flush. I then say the only thing I can think of which is “let me get out of your hair”. What else do you say? I can say that he did not try to sell me a MacBook, so there’s a plus.

After I get out, the police raid the house because its obnoxiously loud. Being 16 years old, I jump off the 2nd story back porch into the bushes, and then run to the bowling alley. I don’t remember going bowling though.

Seeing someone shoot heroine is pretty interesting. Seems like a whole lot of trouble to go through to do drugs. If you are going to do drugs at someone else’s house, maybe do something a little less time consuming that requires less tools? And don’t leave your needles on the sink, no one else wants to use them later. You are not doing anyone a solid.

Mr. Jayce

James Shotwell
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