Christwire, a (hilarious) parody conservative Christian website, has posted an article damning New Found Glory and warning parents to keep their children far away.

In the story entitled “Does Your Daughter Listen To New Found Glory?,” Christwire blogger Tyson Bowers 3 wastes no time digging into the band with the claim, “[New Found Glory] makes sure to dress like semi respectful boys, just so parents can’t see past their true intentions of impregnating young females with their demonic sperm seeds.”

To make matters worse for Bowers and potentially endlessly more hysterical for those of us on the outside, Bowers also describes “emo” as being an acronym for “enter my orifice” and includes a chart which depicts what he believes happens at your average NFG show (seen below):

Click here to read Bowers complete article and feel free to add to the quickly growing comments section of people both poking fun and screaming with rage.

What do you think of this story? Does the art of satire not translate well online? Comment below and let us know!

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James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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