November 20th, 2011 
James Shotwell 
Head of the UTG film department and mastermind behind Reasonable Remakes, Justin Proper has brought us another new column. Ladies and gentleman, allow us to introduce you to: How Bad Is It?
Movies are the number one source of entertainment according to a statistic I just made up. Everyone loves going to the movies. It’s a standard date night, and has helped millions of teens awkwardly hold hands in the dark. Movies are a great escape from reality, and help people relieve the stress of their lives. Unfortunately every once in a while a movie gets released that ruins the experience.…
When I started this article last week I thought it would be fun. As a lover of movies I can usually enjoy the experience, regardless of the quality of the film. Going to the theater has always held a special place in my heart, and before yesterday I didn’t think anything could ruin that for me. I got to the theater early, altered my mind, bought some tickets, and eagerly awaited the arrival of my female companion (that’s right nerds, I took a girl to a movie). We got some drinks and headed in to the theater number nine, completely unaware of the horror that awaited us. Instead of the wonderful, nostalgic, almost whimsical experience, I usually have at the movies all that awaited me was a new form of hell I didn’t think possible.The Movie
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (which will be referred to as just Breaking Dawn from here on out) is the fourth installment of the Twilight Saga movies that are based on the awful books of the same name. It stars Cedric from the Harry Potter films as a really cheesy teen vampire and the daughter from Panic Room as a girl who’s very bad at making good decisions in her life. The movie starts with the two getting married (full disclosure: I never saw the other movies) and then going on their honeymoon where apparently the vampire impregnates the girl who can’t make her face show emotions.
I guess this is a bad thing because everyone freaks out and more people rush to help them deal with this “vampire/human baby” situation. I’m sure there’s more to the movie, but we’ll get to that later. The series has a cult following and I’m sure it will make a disgusting amount of money, but critics have not been so friendly. Reviews for Breaking Dawn have said things like “stretches a 50 minute story in to two hours” and “by any normal standard this is a terrible movie”. It currently has a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes, most of the positive reviews being from die hard Twilight fans.
These people aren't considered pedophiles for some reason
How Bad Is It?
I really wanted to find out what all the excitement was about so I went to the movie with all my preconceptions thrown out. Objectivity was the name of the game here, and I knew it would be an uphill battle, but I truly feel that I gave Breaking Dawn an honest shot. Unfortunately all the mind altering substances in the world couldn’t save this one (trust me, I tried). Early on it was very clear that the only reason this movie was split in to two parts was because the last Harry Potter movie was. Any scene that only needed to be around a minute was stretched out with slow motion or more shots of the characters “reflecting” on their thoughts.
Breaking Dawn: Now with 50% more brooding looks.
As far as weddings in movies go this may have been one of the weirdest and most boring marriages to appear on the big screen. When Bella walked down the aisle I didn’t know if she was nervous, confused, or constipated, but either way I didn’t believe the performance. This was followed by a ceremony where everyone, yes EVERYONE, gave a speech at the reception. This would have been topped off when Edward gives what would be a heartwarming toast to Bella. I say “would be” because for some reason Robert Pattinson decided that the best way to give a good performance was to channel Christopher Walken.
None of the movie was even the part of the experience that made me the most uncomfortable. No, that honor goes to hearing a wave of 10-12 year olds giggling whenever there was anything remotely sexual on screen. If you want to feel like a creepy pervert, go see this movie. Based on the giggling and voices I heard in the theater I would say that the average age of the room was 13. I’m not a parent, but I felt really strange seeing moms taking their daughters who were clearly too young to understand the concepts being shown in this movie. I’m not saying that These movies and books are ruining America, but I’m pretty sure these books and movies are ruining America.
So how bad was it? I walked out around the 45 minute mark, and I’ve never walked out of a movie before in my life.
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r u serious? i think you might be exaggerating how bad it was just a little buddy. this movie isn’t even meant for grown men to see it. It’s more focused towards teenage girls. r u a teenage girl? i don’t think so……
Ok, i would like to say just one thing: If you haven’t read the books, then you have no opinion. I agree that they should have taken more time into explaining everything for new viewers, but the books explain everything that is shown in the movies. Kristen Stewart is the only person who could have played Bella, not because of her clear “acting skills,” but her uncanny resemblance to the character in the book. Bella is very awkward, unemotional, and weird; which Kristen Stewart shows very well. The wedding was also explained in the book, because the people in Bella’s life acted the way they were shown in their speeches. The “reflecting of thoughts” was also explained in the books. It was a creative way of explaining things from the book that could not be explained otherwise. For example, at the end, “Jacob,” in that moment, was showing his imprinting and the way he felt about the baby. The words in the background were his own description of imprinting. I also agree that the age group for these movies was very much wrong. These are young adult books and the children that see them do not understand or need to understand whats going on. Overall, some of your opinions were right; however, you should have either seen the other movies or read the books before you spoke your opinions. Other reviews were also like this though, there was a review where the writer literally mixed up the fact that Bella wanted sex and was not trying to keep her virginity, and that Edward was the one trying to save it for her. This was very clearly stated in the movie and book. So i recommend that you read the books and then give it another shot
haha! i agree, you need to get over yourself
As a film critic I reviewed this film as a movie, not something to enhance a book. I didn’t need to read Lord Of The Rings to understand what was going on in any of those movies, and they were amazing. I appreciate your opinions and am very grateful that you took the time to not only read my article, but also express your opinions in a smart and thought out manner.
Funny. Oh yeah, I’m a Twi-Mom
If you enjoyed the movie, that is fantastic. I’m glad you had a good time. Perhaps if you learned how to write in a presentable manner you could review movies to give a different demographic’s opinion. Thanks for the read!
I feel that if you got to know me you wouldn’t think I need to get over myself. Thanks for reading.
How is that? I feel like it’s a weird double standard. Honestly, no offense, but if a guy in their mid 30’s or older obsessed over teenage girls it would be on Dateline. Thanks for the read!
I just got home from watching Breaking Dawn and I have to say I am very dissapointed. Don’t get me wrong I am a very big fan of the books. ( I’ve read them several times) But I seriously cannot believe that they stretched the wedding and honeymoon scenes into an hour of the movie. It was extremely boring. And with all the action and promise of the book I really expected more from this movie. I accepted the fact that neither Robert Pattinson or Kristin Stewart can act worth a crap after watching the first movie but I remained a fan with hopes that the latter movies would be better. And New Moon was better and so was Eclipse ( but not by much) Breaking Dawn however was a big waste of money and my time. I’m not even sure if I will bother to watch part 2 or not. Since I enjoyed the books so much better maybe I’ll just keep my $10.50 in my pocket and reread the book.
I’m glad that a fan of the series agrees that it was a bad movie! I can’t imagine how betrayed I’d of felt if a book I loved was ruined on the big screen. Oh wait…Choke was really shitty… Thanks for the read and especially the comment!
Well according to the book the action SHOULD come in part 2 (which you should know from reading the book) however if you do not feel comfortable spending your money on the movie (just in case its not very good) then maybe wait for reviews like this one and red box or on demand is pretty cheap
We just got back from this movie, we’ve seen the others and this will be the last one for us, boring and sucked come to mind. Dont waste your money like we did.
Attacking others because they do not know how to express themselves as thoroughly as you do is not a nice thing to do, so I suggest you stop before it kicks you in the ass one day. You are a talented writer, though, and that is something to share with the world, as you are doing. As for not reading the books because you are a film critic, that’s perfectly fine, but the films are meant, in some way, to compliment the books as well as hopefully tell the story as well as the novels. Despite your opinions of this film, the series actually does do a good job with describing the events in the novels, as do the Harry Potter series and the Lord of the Rings series. Although the earlier films in the Twilight series definitely suffered with quality and acting, keep in mind the actual money that was available for creating these films. There would not be very much of a budget to begin with, and that’s why these movies get better as the series goes on, due to the expanding budget. Despite you opinion being the complete opposite of my own, I enjoyed reading this article and I appreciate your writing abilities because you are talented.
I’ve read the books and I loved them, however this movie SUCKED! I read the book faster than it took them to get through all of that wedding/making-out bull crap. The acting has been terrible in all of the films, but I can usually look past it because of the story line. Not this time. You are dead on with your review.
Saw the movie last night, theater was packed, and I’m gonna make the assumption that everyone in the room left stunned at what we had witnessed. The movie was horrible, there was so many things wrong with it. The non-stop awkward kissing and the lame ass wolf scene where the wolves yell at each other through their minds are just the beginning of what made this movie suck. Last time I left a movie this stunned was when I tortured myself by watching ‘Splice’. I know die hard fans are going defend this movie and say that the nay-sayers are the problem, but fortunately I’m smart enough to recognize a craptastic movie when I see one. This movie had the potential for goodness but everyone involved in the making of this film failed. This movie was missing action – what the hell are vampires good for if all they do is sit around and act like whiny little girls.
I would just like to add that the first part of my post about attaching others, is not necessarily related to Marissa’s post.
Thank you for such an awesome comment! I don’t agree with the budgetary thing, as one of my favorite movies of the year, Bellflower, had a shoestring budget and had way more convincing actors who’d never appeared on film before. Also, I don’t know where the $75 mil went on this one, I honestly don’t see that kind of budget on the screen. I’m sure it did a great job of complimenting the books, but my point was that you didn’t need the Harry Potter or Lord Of The Rings books to appreciate those movies. They stood up on their own just fine. Thanks for the read, and thanks for saying you think I’m a good writer, you’re making me blush through my manly viking beard.
Thanks for the read and thanks for the emphasis on the message!
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed my article!
Ok….so maybe there were some parts that could have been better….however, as a true fan of the whole story line I could never be dissappointed….. it’s Bella and Edward!!!!! This movie shouldn’t really be compared to your standard blockbuster movie…that has never been the intent of this story line…..it is all about the actual love story and it was still FABULOUS. I can see where……. if you don’t get that huge piece…. the movie would let you down – but trust me it doesn’t for the true fans. thanks!
Mo-Reen gets it!
so…..I love the movie because I love the story – however you are SOOOOOOOOOO right about the crazy wolf scene….that was to crazy and bizarre
I just saw Breaking Dawn today and I agree that it was very disappointing. Many of the scenes are too long and awkward. One of my favorite parts were the wedding toasts, by everyone BUT Edward. When rereading the final book I was wondering how they were going to pull off the whole wolf telepathy, and in the film it was almost laughable. It was difficult to understand what the wolves were saying and often times they did not even sound like the actors. The only action scene in the movie, which does not take place in the book, was not an asset.
You make me laugh saying you have a manly viking beard! IS there any manlier beard than that?! But yes, I suppose some short budgeted films do get lucky in finding great actors to bringing their scripts to life, and the choices for the actors in this series could have possibly been better chosen. I think the budget for this film probably went into the effects, meaning the animations, and maybe the choice of location. I have no idea how the budgeting goes for films, but does anyone really ever know? Did you see the previous three films in this series? Because you stated that you walked out on this one, and that leads me to believe that you don’t really know what the movie was about or what happens, which makes me question weather or not you saw the previous films. All of the films do stand on their own, separate from the books, despite the acting and the budgets. I think the craze that comes with these films is more about seeing the novels, which were wonderful, come to life on screen. So in the end, I guess it really doesn’t matter if the films are good in the first place? Oh America.
I did not see the previous films. I’m sure I’m going to take some flak for that, but again I have to point out that any of the Harry Potter movies can be watched on their own without seeing the others and are still quite coherent and engaging. I’m pretty familiar with how budgets work and I really didn’t see this as costing more than around $40 mil tops. The effects were very…cheap looking by Hollywood standards. The vamps speed thing was laughable, and the dream sequence looked very over processed and confusing.
I just got back from watching Breaking Dawn and actually enjoyed it. Yes I am a mid 30s wife and mother, I had read all the books before I even started to watch the films and thought the books were so much better but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the movies for what they are. I don’t think anyone will be naive enough to expect to be seeing a top 100 film of all time when they walk through the movie doors. For me it has always been about the books. The movies are simply a bonus and if you take them at that kind of value then you won’t be too disappointed. I heard the bad reviews but the movie exceeded my expectations, you also have to admit it really is a chick flick and I’m not surprised that a man would come away thinking his life was being sucked out of him every moment he kept watching. My husband point blank refuses to see the movie and mocks me every time it is mentioned but I still love him. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus as they say, and that’s why men will always love gory movies like the Saw series and women will always love The Notebook and of course Twilight xx
I wonder where the hell it all goes then. I’ll have to point out to you that this series is different than the HP series in that the HP series is really several well created stories that play together and create this one main story whereas Twilight is more of one continuous story told in separate parts. As in separately, the films do not make much sense (as they do with HP) but together they make sense. Does that make any sense? In this respect, I can see how you could say that they don’t stand on their own. And by the way….your beard is quite impressive, (Twitter is to blame!)
I’m not afraid to admit that I enjoy chick flicks, so I really don’t think that was entirely my issue with this movie. Thanks for reading and taking time to voice your opinion, I really appreciate it!
I agree that the story may not have been suited for separate films as well but I also feel that they could have done a better job to make it also stand alone. This is something that TV has to do every day and it really wouldn’t have taken much more than a quick flashback instead of trying to stretch every scene out until it felt slow and uncomfortable. Thanks for the beard love, it’s the source of my powers.
I agree with that. It was not necessary to make certain scenes as long as they were, i.e. the wedding and honeymoon. Essentially, I think this film could have been done in one part instead of two. We will see how the next one goes, right? ha
As long as people keep reading, I’ll keep watching bad movies and writing.
I love, love, love the books and I am a 34year old women. The movies however are lacking. The first three were okay. I thought they would get only better because I enjoyed Breaking Dawn the most. I sat through the first 30 minutes and I thought, wow I could be at home right now doing chores or something. The part where the wolves are speaking to each other was awful. It reminded me of an old religious film where god is talking to you in that booming voice. Because of my love for the books I stayed and I will see the last installment. I will say that Kristin is not the best actress, but because of the books I could see the very small ways that she tried to capture the character in the books.
You are a pretentious dickhead
If only you stuck around long enough to witness Jacob imprint on Renesmee. That scene would have brought out the Twi-hard in you for sure. (It definitely got me hard.)
The people who comment aren’t getting paid to write like you are. Quit insulting them on the way they “present” their comments because when you do that, you are not presenting yourself in the best manner. Just be happy they read your article and felt inspired enough to comment on it.
Would you care to elaborate as to why you feel this way? I respect your opinion and am grateful you took the time to voice it. Thanks for the read!
I’ve taken the time to thank almost every single commenter. I understand there is a difference between a professional writer and an average person commenting on the internet, but when you replace words with letters it feels lazy to me and invalidates any credit that person had in my mind. Thank you for taking the time to defend Tiffany, however, and thanks for reading the article!
Somehow I feel like I didn’t miss much. Thanks for the read!
Thanks for the read, and I’m sorry you were let down. Unfortunately as long as bad movies keep making money they’ll keep coming. I’m glad That you think Stewart captured the character well, but perhaps the character should have been written for the screen better.
Let me preface any commentary I have on this film with this- I am a 25 year old African American male rapper who has never read the books and was somehow suckered into seeing the first film by a girl I now despise… and yes, when I say rapper I mean the type that curses in a rhythmic and oftentimes boisterous fashion. So take my opinions with as many grains of salt as you can without dying from a stroke brought on by high blood pressure (Point: I clearly am not the demographic of the population that this film is catered to).
This movie.. was TERRIBLE. I can’t say that enough.
I of course was there with a female and, after I made some snide comments about sneaking into the theater and how I hope no one sees my face (to the amusement of the teenage female walking in front of us), I honest-to-God sat down with every intention of giving this movie a fair shot. My expectations couldn’t have gotten any lower at the point of entry, how in the HELL could this film let me down?
I’ve never sat in a theater and felt more embarrassed for myself- OR the actors. It was a painful experience, at best, and a gut wrenching one at worst. I felt almost as sick as Bella appeared for 98.2% of the film.
There is no way that film should have been 2 hours. No way. I literally sat there with my head in the shoulder of the young lady I was with trying to avert my eyes during the most awkward moments. The acting was terrible. Scenes that should have been a blink of the eye took what seemed like eternity. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t help but sit there and think “What the f*** is the point of all of this?”. The CGI for the wolves was atrocious; that whole scene with them talking to each other, as previously mentioned, made me want to slap WHOEVER conceived it…. and wtf, BLOOD SLUSHIES?!… Ugh. I can’t begin to describe to you how much I wanted to run out of there. If there wasn’t promise of some lovin’ to the “breaking dawn” (sorry, I had to pun it up), I’d have been out of there by about the 30 minute mark and never looked back.
Why am I sitting here writing this then, you ask? Shouldn’t I be cuddled up getting my Edward Cullen on?
I made the mistake of telling the girl those were 2 hours of my life I would never get back. She then yelled at me for not enjoying myself because I was with her. I drove home alone.
Damn you, Twilight! You can’t even get me laid! Chick flick my ass!
0 out of 5 stars. If she wants to see Part 2, she’s going by herself.
-Paul
This is easily the best comment on here. I don’t know if it’s any consolation but I didn’t get laid after the movie either. I’m sorry you had to sit through the whole thing, I’m not sure it would have been worth it if you had got your Eddy C on. Keep up the awesome, Paul, and thanks for the read!
LOL. Thank you, my friend. I feel like we have a deep connection now. We both had to stomach a whole lot of bullshit just to wrap our arm around a pretty young dame! Oh the things we do…
I really couldn’t have reviewed this film better than you, but I feel like I owed it to myself to document my ‘feelings’ after wasting 2 hours of my existence. It was really WORSE than what I expected, which is baffling to me in itself.
Seriously- one of the most unintentionally funny films I’ve seen in a while. I would have literally laughed at the top of my lungs on a couple occasions if I didn’t fear the wrath of a theater full of 13-15 year old hormonal little girls…
But what was the most confusing was how many guys were in my showing! It was seriously a 1:1 ratio (a bunch of poor saps just like me who were there for the nookie)… I felt bad enough collectively for all of us!
Poor bastards… If I can save at least one dude from sitting through this movie to try and score it’ll all be worth it. Better luck in the future!
It was an unintentionally comical scene, much like majority of the movie was. I for one can’t get enough of it. Everything’s perfect. Just perfect.
Should i spend my money so I can be as angry as you folks? No.. I will torrent Jurassic park instead.
I too had a date and I felt sorry for him. If it was a waste of my time, I can only imagine how he felt. If anything you deserved to get a little action because you actually sat through it all. Kudos for you…Although the books were great, I do feel like the story should have been slightly different. But that would piss off more of the die-hard fans. So I guess they just decided to stick with what they thought would work. (sigh)
I agree. Sometimes this new generation talk and write like they are texting a buddy. You have to present a coherent thought if your opinion is going to be taken seriously.
Unfortunately, I will still go and see part 2. The books have got me that hooked. My hopes just will not be as high. Maybe they will surprise me…
What a fun critic…hahahaha. I watched all twilight series movies so far I honestly don’t know why I did that. Last night I tried to avert my eyes from the screen so many times…. I seriously felt awkward for them! All these endless kisses and stuff had given me goosebumps,,, it’s a movie man! Stop doing that and go on telling a good story pls!!!
It feels charlie,Bella’s dad, was the only one who brought some emotion into this movie..I mean in the whole series so far.
Thanks for thinking I’m fun and reading my article!