June 20th, 2012 
Justin Proper 
Under The Gun is continuing our efforts to bring you more original and engaging content with REASONABLE REMAKES. Written by film-nerd Justin Proper, this column aims to highlight Hollywood’s forgotten gems and spark debate.
You see, we’ve grown tired of Hollywood rehashing ideas we’re old enough to remember. Why remake something the majority of the planet still remembers and loves deeply when there are tons of films that deserve a chance to be as great as modern technology and skill can make them? If you agree, this column is for you.
One of my favorite things growing up was dinosaurs. I know a lot of other people that feel the same way. Something about the extinct creatures just fills people with wonder. That’s why 1993’s Jurassic Park was such a big hit. It took every kid’s “what if there were dinosaurs today?” fantasy and translated it to the big screen. Other than a few mediocre sequels to Jurassic Park we have not really had much in the way of movies with dinosaurs in them that are not children’s movies. I think it is time to change that. I think we should take another trip to that crazy island and remake Jurassic Park.
You are now hearing the theme from Jurassic Park in your head.
If somehow this is your first time ever hearing about Jurassic Park let me start by saying welcome to Earth, please be the cool alien from Paul and not the scary alien from Alien. Jurassic Park is a movie based on a book written by a guy that wrote a lot of books that ended up being movies (Michael Crichton). It tells the story of an island somewhere in the tropics that an eccentric old man bought and said “You know what this island needs? Dinosaurs.” and since he had a ton of money he made it happen. At first everything is fine and everyone is happy and amazed by the dinosaurs that were cloned from mosquitos somehow because that is how science works in movies. Eventually something goes wrong and all the dinosaurs are running loose including the velociraptors and T-rex. This is especially problematic because there are a couple kids on the island. After a long night of running from dinosaurs most of the good guys escape uneaten. It is a pretty awesome movie and shaped the way people thought about dinosaurs for years until actual scientists started speaking up and ruining everything.
Sorry, nerds, but this will always be what I think a velociraptor looks like.
The original movie is a classic, and is loved by most, so why remake it? Is it because it has been long enough that people forgot about the original? Does it need a remake because our movie tech is more advanced and the original does not still hold up? Is it because I woke up late and needed to write something and the first thing I saw was my Jurassic Park blanket that is still on my bed? No to all of those. Jurassic Park should be remade because we could make it something more modern and dark than the original. The original had a PG-13 rating, which worked for it. It was still scary as hell. The only problem is that when it came time for people to die it always seemed to happen off camera. I seem to remember some graphic disemboweling and a baby getting eaten in the book, so lets stick to that intensity level. We can also lose the stupid kids. They were annoying and would have just been destroyed if it was real life. Plus, I still do not buy that the girl was a “hacker”, that was just a stupid 90’s fad that all kids could “hack” computers.
I can't be the only one who cheers for the raptors in this scene.
Instead we can have the main characters be in their 20’s and they found the island because they were activists against some corporation and the dinosaur park was one of the things the corporation was up to disguised as an expensive secret zoo. The group goes there to liberate the animals and then find out when they get there that instead of a zoo they stumbled in to a crazy dinosaur land. This plot allows for some cool found footage shots to be mixed in throughout the movie (or you could do the whole thing found footage style and make it like Cloverfield). Hell, if you make it all found footage everyone can die, which I feel is what would happen if there were suddenly dinosaurs all over an island.
Who builds welcome centers with doors big enough for dinosaurs?
Casting…uh…hmmm. The only way to make it feel real is to use people no one has heard of. Next.
The directorial style is going to have a big effect on how the movie comes out, and we really do not need another grand and majestic take. We need to channel the raw fear of the situation. My first pick for a director of something like this is J.J. Abrams. He made Cloverfield real to me, and whether or not you liked that movie you have to admit it was made well. It had a rich backstory that was hidden throughout an alternate reality game and it handled a giant monster in NYC beautifully. I think Abrams would crush a Jurassic Park remake, especially with all his experience from Lost (which also centers around a mysterious island).
Just make sure J. J. Abrams' contract says "no more than 5 lens flares for the duration of the film".
With the right setup and darker tone a Jurassic Park remake could be exactly what everyone in their 20’s and 30’s has been waiting for since they saw the original when they were kids: A new dinosaur movie for adults instead of kids. If this article left you hungry for some dinosaur awesomeness make sure to check out our feature on Area 407 which is full of prehistoric horror and goodness.
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For the love of all things holy leave Jurassic Park alone… the original film deterred so off course from the novel and was STILL good. Lightning doesn’t strike twice.
Nice post, I too love jurassic park,(see my blog post:
http://markrojas2.blogspot.com/2012/05/life-lessons-from-jurassic-park.html )
I think you make interesting points about J.J. Abrams being a good director. Jurassic Park is getting the 3D treatment for its 20th anniversary next year, so i think a remake is out of the way for some time. I always wanted something like a Turok movie, or the plot from Aliens where a team of military men try to get through and destroy the park.
I especially liked the line ” It tells the story of an island somewhere in the tropics that an eccentric old man bought and said “You know what this island needs? Dinosaurs.” i literally LOL’ed