January 18th, 2013 
Grace Duffy 
Artist: Artist vs. Poet
Album: Keep Your Secrets
Genre: Pop, pop-punk
Label: Unsigned
I suppose it follows that if pop has been overrun by lip-syncing posers whose albums are spliced together at an effects table, then guitar bands would have to take over the genre. This album is billed as pop punk, but it’s about as pop punk as Busted were. Laden with sweetened odes and balladry, it’s a chaste and sentimental forage through very well-worn territory. It’s perfectly adequate as an album though entirely disposable, bordering on annoying at times for all its insistently wimpy drivel. That said, it does have the decency to only be half an hour long, and it feels outright churlish to dislike something so sunny and full of life. It kind of reminds me of the type of innocent boyband fluff I was into as a pre-teen, when the merest glimpse of an electric guitar seemed edgy and guyliner was but a glimmer in the emo future.
In all fairness to Artist vs. Poet though, they’ve mixed their music together to ensure it the maximum possible appeal. “Ready to Roll” is a sunny little number, so carefully and dextrously executed that you can practically feel fresh breaths of wind on your face. It’s charming and lightweight and entirely devoid of substance, but that’s part of its allure. “Keep Your Secrets” has a bit more spark, but remains thoroughly desensitised. It’s poppy and frivolous and there’s no effort to dramatise it at all. The chorus is bizarre, using staccato notes borrowed from dubstep though mercifully without any of the sound effects. Even so, the track has a sweetly wholesome charm to it that can’t be ignored.
“Love to Hate Me” attempts to up the ante as vocalist Joe Kirkland sings about how he’s a dick who never calls or listens which, frankly, is unsurprising if he’s going to be this whiny about it. Mind, the song is nowhere near as self-indulgent or inane as some bands of this calibre claim to be. It’s casually sentimental and breezes on by, with barely a trace of anything fiery or heated in the music. Later on, “Hang Around” employs actual swearing and a rather lovely spot of harmonising and in so doing makes itself stand out. It evokes a fleeting and frothy sense of memory or nostalgia through the use of choice string samples and jubilant drum swells. It’s catchy, if not quite infectious, with better music than most of the songs on the album. “Miscommunicate” is a throwback to the 90s – whether this is intentional or not is unclear. The song opens with a piano overlay, briefly promising to be something more mature and affecting, before falling apart in a wave of programming. Yet, its heightened and stylised sound actually makes it better. It has all the precocious appeal of a chart ballad, and the soft, echoing delivery of the vocals is far more compelling than it should be.
It’s downhill again from there as “Stay Strong”, which ends the album, is a vomit-inducing ode to a girl that will likely be sweet and moving if you satisfy the age preconditions. The same wistful swooning acts as a backing vocal for the entire song, whileKirklandcoos and pleads with increasing desperation. There does seem to be a nice message to the lyrics and it’s not terrible, but it is far too sappy to take seriously. Artist vs. Poet excel (in a manner of speaking) at their saccharine slow numbers but there’s not enough substance to them to appeal beyond a very specific market.
There’s an easy joke to make here about Artist vs. Poet actually keeping this stuff secret but for all its flaws, the youthful exuberance of this record is likely to earn it a spirited fanbase. Its iridescent pop acts as an ever so slightly edgier alternative to the guff clogging up the charts and some of its numbers are genuinely fun and involving. You ought to be able to tell whether it’s for you or not just by looking, so do your worst.
SCORE: 6/10
Review written by Grace Duffy
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