REVIEW: Miniature Tigers – Mia Pharaoh

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Artist: Miniature Tigers
Album: Mia Pharoh
Genre: Indie/Rock/Pop

Dear Miniature Tigers,

Do you guys remember 2008? I do. Back then, things were different. People were wiser. Times were less tough. Your music didn’t sound anything like recycled elevator music, remixed by kids in their basements wanting Cee-Lo Green to pick them on The Voice. You had just released Tell It to the Volcano and everything in the world of indie-rock seemed hopeful, upbeat even. You guys graced the stage with ugly sweaters and brilliant wit. Your nerdy but charming approach to songwriting captured my attention, sending me on a spree of praising you as often as I found possible. I had no doubt that you were aimed at success.

So what the fuck happened?

I wanted so badly to enjoy Mia Pharoh. I went into the review hoping that Fortress was a fluke and you had wandered back into your prime. Sadly, I’m losing hope that that is ever going to happen. This sound seems to have become a pattern and, dare I say, possibly a choice.

I have no love for this album. Maybe that is harsh, but honestly, I think it is going a little soft on you. What I want to say is your music career has been reduced to a ploy for attention, the way middle school boys punch the girls they like the most. The more obnoxious they are the greater the likelihood of someone noticing their existence.

However, this album deserves a good, long time out. It is the epitome of the dunce cap.

I can’t for the life of me understand Charlie Brand’s need to (attempt to) sing in falsetto. Yeah man, we get it. You like Passion Pit. We noticed the newly established use of synthesizer on “Sex on the Regular.” However, the calm, cool and collected dirty pop sound you’re aiming for comes off far more geek than chic. But, not in that recently popular Big Bang Theory kind of way. No. It’s more in the accidentally walking in on your cheerleader sister giving head to the high school quarterback kind of way. Sure, that’s the kind of stuff they make pornos about, yet the uncomfortable feelings obviously overpower the elements that might be worth watching.

Sadly, that pretty much sums up Mia Pharaoh. The tiny snippets of usable material are far too often buried behind immature attempts to be clever or underneath awkwardly placed drum machine bits. To say the band is trying too hard to squeak into a genre that they don’t belong is quite the understatement. They’re nothing more than nerds who transferred schools at semester. Instead of being true to themselves, they spent the money they were saving for a new computer on GAP jeans and Old Navy hoodies in an attempt to fit in. They overlooked the fact that they still only weighed 98 pounds and had more braces than teeth.

They were nothing more than a duck insisting it was rabbit season.

Don’t fucking be that guy, man. As a band, be true to yourself. I hope for the sake of my belief in your band that these albums are the result of a label pushing you to be someone you are not. Maybe that is for selfish reasons. Chances are it is because I’ve seen you be better than this. If not, then I at least hope that the music you are making manages to make you somewhat happy. I personal feel it is unfortunate that for this to occur, you were required to take such a drastic step backward in musicianship.

SCORE: 1/10

Review written by: Josh Hammond

(Twitter)

Compare the albums yourself:
Miniature Tigers – Tell It To The Volcano
Miniature Tigers – MIA PHARAOH

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  • Shitonastick

    Listen to the cd again idiot!

  • Antisocial2088

    I donno I completely disagree, I felt like the bands music has evolved from Charlie’s current life. He has the freedom to express how he feels and wants through music, regardless of what anyone thinks he’s doing his thing. I like all their albums, they make a daily appearance in my life.

  • Jesse

    Old minitigs>new whatever they are

  • Garrison

    I totally agree. I love The Miniature Tigers, but Mia Pharoah was something far and away from their previous albums. While I enjoy Boomerang, the rest of the songs on the disc seemed like they were trying to be something else. Coyote Enchantment was my least favorite song on FORTRESS, and almost all of the songs on Mia Pharoah sound like sequels of it. I hope they go back to the style of Fortress, Tell it to the Volcano, and the Magic EPs. I just want to hear more of that, and who knows, there is a strong possibility that they might go back. Many bands have a strikeout album, and hopefully they realize that Mia Pharoah is their Strike One.