No One Will Ever Top The Audacity And Ratchetness Of Diplo’s Rider

December 12th, 2012

Dayton O'Connor

Page Six, the vaunted gossip section of the New York Post, got a hand on producer Diplo’s rider and boy, is it a doozy. Right up there with the great tour riders of yore from the likes of Mötley Crüe and Van Halen.

For those not in the know, the rider is a document that will outline requests and requirements that a band will need for their tour. This can be light arrangements and stage design schematics or, more infamously, alcohol, drugs, and if you’re Limp Bizkit, light fixtures with dimmer switches.

So what would a guy like Diplo need to get down? Well, some of the requested items aren’t too wild.

Two airhorns? Understandable. Ten Magnum condoms? You gotta play safe kids. And two inflatable animals? Sounds baller! But then things get weird:

One (1) Framed Picture of Diplo
One (1) Gorilla – Silverback is preferred, an Orangutan is also acceptable
One (1) Malawian Orphan
Third Season of Lost on VHS Tapes
One (1) Dart Board with Nicholas Cage’s face on it
One (1) Violin Player to play while we eat our cheese plate (BUT WHERE ARE THEY GETTING THE CHEESE)
One (1) Arranged Marriage
1982 Yak Face Star Wars Return of the Jedi Action Figure New in Package

There’s even more wonderful nonsense included on the list. And for the stiffs that might crow at this display of capricious excess, please note that all requested items are “non-required, but greatly appreciated.” So no hard feelings if you can only wrangle an Orangutan on short notice.