October 4th, 2014 
Derek Scancarelli Of all the holidays celebrated worldwide, no single day is more loved by the UTG staff than Halloween. With the arrival of the year’s best month, the time has finally come to begin rolling out a plethora of features and special announcements we have prepared in celebration of our favorite day, including the one you’re about to read.
Now in its third year, 31 Days Of Halloween is a recurring feature that will run throughout the month of October. The hope and goal of this column is to supply every UTG reader with a daily horror (or Halloween-themed) movie recommendation that is guaranteed to amplify your All Hallows’ Eve festivities. We’ll be watching every film the day it’s featured, and we hope you’ll follow along at home.
[Warning: the material within is likely NSFW]
Day 4: Ice Cream Man (1995)
Ice Cream Man is a bad movie. Actually, Ice Cream Man is a terrible movie. There is no way to put into words how absolutely awful this film is. For that reason, I absolutely adore it.
Released in the mid-90s, the style and demeanor of the film brings you back to days of athletic jumpsuits and bad bowl haircuts. The flick falls into the category of comedy horror movies, but in a more discrete way than that of a Scary Movie.
The film was directed by Paul Norman, who turns out to be a porno director, under the alias of Norman Apstein. You may have seen his flicks Edward Penishands (1991) or Sperm Bitches (2001). This was his feature-length directorial debut.
The star of the flick is Clint Howard, you may recognize him as one of the rednecks from The Waterboy or one of his countless other random television and film appearances.
Turns out he’s also the brother of director and actor Ron Howard, you know, from Happy Days.
Anyway, the film revolves around Gregory Tudor, who witnessed his idol “The Ice Cream King” get murdered by a drive-by shooter as a child. While he sat and licked his cone in distress, he knew his life would never be the same. Gregory then spent some time in a mental health facility which injected his brain with excessively large needles. They brainwashed him, instilling him into the depths of his mind that every day is a “happy, happy, day.” By the time adulthood rolled around, he’d been a perfectly sculpted, murderous, pedophile-looking bastard selling treats to children.
When a gang of kids known at The Rocketeers notice that something is fishy with the ice cream man, it isn’t long before their buddy, Small Paul, is kidnapped.
While the team of kids try to expose the maniacal scooper, they must also fear for their own safety. In a world where you can’t even trust the man making your milkshake, trouble lurks around every turn, even inside the supermarket. By the time the film comes to a wrap, detectives have infiltrated the ice cream parlor that Tudor operates out of as well as the mental hospital he was tormented in. The ending catches you by surprise, when Small Paul goes for the win.
For as much as I say I hate this movie, it’s purely out of love. When it comes to horror movies, I’d much rather be creeped out or uncomfortable than actually scared and shaking. It may seem wimpy, but the best victory I can have while watching a scary film is to start laughing during it. When I was a kid and I first saw this, that was my initial reaction.
Simply speaking, if you’re a fan of movies that are so poorly crafted that you’re laughing audibly, this is the flick for you. Take the leap into the maniacal tendencies of Clint Howard’s creepiest role ever. Have a scoop of some Eyeball-Cockroach-Butter-Brickle, but do so at your own risk. The Ice Cream Man may haunt your dreams forever.
Editorial written by: Derek Scancarelli
Last year’s Day 4 film: Bad Milo
Comedian Jim Norton once called him a serial killer on national radio. Enjoy the internet with him on Twitter.
- Phife Dawg of A Tribe Called Quest has reportedly passed away - March 23, 2016
- UTG PREMIERE: Robots and Monsters – “Down To Ash” (Music Video) - June 2, 2015
- REVIEW: Morals – ‘Float’ - June 1, 2015
Posted in 
Tags: 