Film: Superfast!
Starring: Alex Ashbaugh, Dale Pavinski
Directed by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

In a not-so-shocking turn of events, the team behind Meet The Spartans and Vampires Suck have delivered yet another box office bomb with their latest work, Superfast!.

Billed as a parody of the Fast And Furious franchise, Superfast! stars a cast of unknown actors and actresses who sometimes look like people you might remember from the Fast And Furious movies, only this crew is far less toned. They have little to no acting ability, nor does the script give them anything to do other than phone in the same lame slapstick gags that stopped working sometime around Police Academy 6. There is also a dance sequence, rampant racism, and so many non sequiturs that you sometimes wonder if there is even a plot at all.

When the story does progress, which happens every ten to fifteen minutes, it usually does so by borrowing one of the major plot points from a later franchise film and twisting it to fit the paper-thin plot of this farce. Remember when Vin Diesel and his team towed a bank vault down the street while outrunning a group of bad guys who wanted nothing more than to see them dead? This movie has almost the exact same scene, only this time it’s a Taco Bell being dragged through Los Angeles and the stakes don’t matter whatsoever.

As for the plot, Superfast! follows undercover cop Lucas White as he joins Vin Serento’s gang of illegal street racers. It’s a setup not too distant from that of the original Fast And Furious, only this time around nearly every single element on screen is there for the sake of being mocked. The cars sound and look funny, the accents are mockingly thick, and every other action or line on screen exists to set up yet another lackluster chuckle that should have been left on the cutting room floor. If you have seen any one of the half dozen or more parody films released in the last decade, including those this team had no part in making (Date Movie), then you have seen the majority of the material found in this film. Everything else may be new, but it certainly isn’t good.

I don’t know exactly what I expected when I first sat down to witness this mind-numbing cinematic debacle, but I certainly had hoped to find more than an absolute waste of time. There is nothing wrong with making a parody, and when done well this style of comedy can provide some of the biggest laughs known to man, but when mishandled to a degree as extreme as the one found in this film there is essentially nothing left to appreciate. The constant comedic misfires not only distract from the plot, but they fall so far short of entertainment that they actually dissolve any desire to care about the events taking place on screen that may have previously existed. It’s a fate I have seen many films meet throughout time, and I sincerely doubt Superfast! will be the last. This type of film is easy to write and cheap to produce. Like KFC’s horrific double down sandwich, low budget parody films will last as long as there is a consumer base willing to ignore the numerous red flags telling them to stay away.

There may be some small part of you that would like to believe a film parodying the most ridiculously over-the-top action franchise of all time would be able to find some small amount of laughs to justify your time and its existence on this planet, but if so that part of you is wrong. Superfast! is not only the worst film I have seen this year, but it can replace A Haunted House and A Haunted House 2 as the worst film I’ve seen in the two years prior as well. Heck, it may be the worst film I’ve seen in the last half-decade. There is nothing about this movie worthy of recommendation. It’s a complete waste of time, talent, and money that offers absolutely nothing that even comes close to resembling quality entertainment. The fact it exists at all is baffling, and the idea it may play in cinemas across this great nation makes my soul hurt. If you have any love for yourself or the people in your life you will do your best to make sure no one sees this film. Heck, don’t even let people know it has been made. Just pretend it’s a joke the internet made up and fight anyone who claims otherwise. Superfast! is an atrocity, and if you don’t avoid it you too will waste 100 minutes of your quickly fleeting life.

GRADE: F

Review written by James Shotwell Follow @utgjames

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James Shotwell

James Shotwell is the founder of Under The Gun Review. He loves writing about music and movies almost as much as he loves his two fat cats. He's also the co-founder of Antique Records and the Marketing Coordinator for Haulix. You should probably follow him on Twitter.

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