R. Kelly has never been one to mince words or self-censor, and this video for Black Panties cut “Cookie” is no exception. R. Kelly always sings about all his favorite things, making his music the sort that Lorde just can’t relate to.

Basically, R. Kelly really likes sex. When he sings about what he likes to do to Oreos, it has very little to do with actual Oreos.

This can be very clearly seen in the relatively cookie-free video for “Cookie,” which gives much more screentime to scantily clad women, R. Kelly’s crib, R. Kelly’s clothes, and, well, R. Kelly himself than any delicious baked treats. There are a few Oreos at the end, but they get waved around even less than the cigar. As for the bathtub full of milk poured from what look like champagne bottles, that’s not for dipping cookies in. It’s almost like the “cookie” is a very thinly veiled metaphor.

At least Nabisco got some free publicity out of this. Beats by Dre probably had to pay for that shot of the speaker at the very end.

For more thinly veiled metaphors and examples of how sex god R. Kelly pretty much does whatever he wants, listen to his new album Black Panties and read up on how there will be additional Trapped in the Closet chapters in 2014.

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Tyler Hanan

Tyler raves about movies on the Let The Right Films In podcast. Listen to him make jokes over his beleaguered cohost Kayla St. Onge and their more qualified guests who deserve so much better at soundcloud.com/ltrfipod. Find him on Twitter @tylerhanan.

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