I have a friend; she loves Valentine’s Day. At the beginning of each year, she spends her days playfully trying to pinpoint just how her stupendously awesome boyfriend will woo her come February 14. She fawns over flowers, swoons over candy, and gets off on public, often cheesy displays of affection. She spends hours in front of the mirror, and her dinner reservations have been set for months. And don’t worry guys, social media will be provided with a play-by-play account of her and her man’s evening out.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friend to death, but the list that follows is not for these types of people. Sure, chocolate is tasty and flowers are nice, but let’s be honest—-to the single and still searching, Valentine’s Day can be a real pain. As our peers bask in affection and heart-shaped clichés, those of us lacking significant others are often temporarily cast to the wayside, damned to an evening of excessive Facebook stalking and unreasonable Netflix consumption.

As such, we here at UTG have compiled our favorite anti-love songs to make your self-deprecating just a little more bearable. Some are sad, some are regretful, and some are plain angry, but regardless of angle, at least you’ll be able to take some comfort in the fact that you’re probably not the only one celebrating with Ben and Jerry this year.

Falling out of love is no doubt heart wrenching, but it becomes absolutely unbearable when only one individual is having doubts. Though all relationships are not created equal, more often then not, situations such as these tend to nosedive rapidly due to one or both parties inability to act. Before long, what started as something casual has grown into something more serious than either individual intended, and despite the best of intentions, these types of scenarios almost always end with burned bridges and bruised egos. Few songs tackles this subject with the blunt realism of Anthony Green’s “Only Love,” taken off of 2012’s Beautiful Things. Throughout each verse, Nate Ruess of FUN. recollects on a love doomed from the start, while Green provides an uncompromising hook that leaves little doubt as to his true intentions. Together, the duo paints a disheartening, but all-too-familiar picture. -Kyle Florence, News & Review Writer

I think we all know that feeling from back in the day, when you found out that a girl just straight hates your guts when you had feelings for her, “She Hates Me” by Puddle Of Mudd takes the cake. — Corbin Alvae, Head of Photography/Feature Writer

“I’ve got a big fat fuckin’ bone to pick with you, my darling / In case you haven’t heard, I’m sick and tired of trying / I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you / plugged in and ready to fall”

This song pretty much speaks for itself. Matt Skiba’s tonal change from slight boredom and apathy to pure anger in the chorus perfectly accentuates the song’s lyrical theme. I can’t even count how many times I’ve referenced “shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” over the years.

This is the perfect throwback anti-love anthem. Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, and others collaborated to bring us “Bitches Ain’t Shit” also later performed as an acoustic version by Ben Folds. The acoustic version sounds romantic until you listen to every last filthy lyric. The original rap version gives it to you straight – love means nothing and bitches ain’t shit. It’s about using women, healing heartbreak with more women, and an end verse from a woman who uses her man just as much as he’s using her. — Kellie Gannon, Photographer/News & Review Writer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic7KH1PpbMY

Claudio Sanchez has a wonderful view on things, explaining that if you are to upset him in actual life, he will write you into his sci-fi epic and kill you in the story, simple as that. In the epic adventure that is “The Willing Well III: Apollo II: The Telling Truth,” the woes of the girl that causes the destruction of Star IV are exceptionally met, with a blistering chorus of devastation and angst ridden heartache. Eventually The Crowing would go on to make amends with the harbinger of his desolation, and such re-connections would turn into a marriage, one which has been the unstoppable duo of Claudio and Chondra. But, if that fairy tale is not your story, well let’s just hope we don’t ever see what Jesse’s brother did. — Drew Caruso, News & Review Writer

I’ll just leave this creepy, nostalgia-ridden mindfuck right here. — Anthony Galasso, News & Review Writer

Kris Roe of The Ataris has written dozens of heartfelt and poetic breakup songs in his career, but this is not one of them. On “The Last Song I Will Ever Write About a Girl,” Roe abandons any semblance of nuance to pen one of the barest and most straightforward declarations of anti-love you’re likely to hear. — Troy Sennett, News & Review Writer

Ever since 1997, as Valentine’s Day passes each year, I can’t help but think of Ben Folds Five’s incredibly fun, post-breakup jam, “Song For The Dumped.” As most people assume that “Brick” is an account of a similar situation and would possibly include that gem in a list such as this, it’s actually about a much more depressing and personal matter. However, “Song For The Dumped” makes light of a dark situation with playful yet bitter lyrics and some piano chops to groove to. If you want to feel a little more cheerful about about your significant other leaving you, Ben Folds Five have your remedy right here.

There is something timeless about “I Hope He Kills You” that I’m not sure the members of Handguns have even been able to grasp just yet. In under three-and-a-half minutes this rambunctious pop punk outfit offer a simple albeit heartfelt message about being honest and trying to move on that has the ability to connect with people of all ages. Guys connect with the idea of seeing a girl fall for the wrong guy over and over, while girls know a million friends who always end up with losers like the one describe in this song’s infectious hook. You try to help these lost ladies as much as you can, but at some point you have to say fuck it and move on. If it all goes to shit, you can’t say we did not try to warn you. — James Shotwell, Founder/Editor

“Dreamer’s Disease” by Letlive, on 2013 album release The Blackest Beautiful, resonates with me on so many levels. To me, it embodies the search for love that inevitably comes up empty handed and results in shunning love in place of chasing dreams. “So fuck making love, I’d rather make history,” is the lyric that sums up the mentality reached when failed attempt after failed attempt at love ends in submersing yourself in your passions rather than people. — Kellie Gannon, Photographer/News & Review Writer

When a relationship ends, sometimes you can’t help but be upset. Whether you didn’t get the last word, feel guilty for your actions, or your ex was just a straight-up douchebag, feelings of confusion, doubt, and anger are commonplace. After the Burial takes these feelings to the extreme with their long-time fan favorite, “Fingers Like Daggers.” Despite starting modestly, this cathartic gem picks up quickly and thunders along with the ferocity of a caged animal. True to form, the outfit’s delivery is calculated and airtight, while vocalist Nick Wellner’s distinguishable growls are made even more powerful through his ice-cold lyrics. Bitter and vengeful, this track is perfect for the recently single and excessively pissed-off. — Kyle Florence, News & Review Writer

“Don’t Let Her Pull You Down” is a track which has always spoken volumes to me about getting over a special someone that never was. There is always going to be a stint of tough times which result from the end of a relationship, and this track by New Found Glory is all about not letting the harrowing emotions that can be involved with that phase get to you. — Adrian Garza, News & Review Writer

Not everyone has someone special to be with on Valentine’s Day. With “Andria,” La Dispute create a weaving narrative of a man tracing back the good times he had with his former lover before his fear of losing it all got the best of both of them. The track is essential La Dispute, showcasing the band’s alternative, sometimes jazzy take on hardcore and the hauntingly poetic lyricism. If you find yourself in an unrequited love this Valentine’s Day, take comfort in “Andria.” — John Bazley, News Writer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjkWlhSzy2M

This will likely be the heaviest, most angry song included on this list but I envy anyone that has never felt at some point the pure emotion, hurt, and anguish that Ion Dissonance expel in the chaotic composition that is “She’s Strychnine,” and while the lyrics may be violent or even grotesque at times, I’m sure we’ve all said, or at least thought, things we didn’t necessarily mean in the heat of heartache. — Brian Lion, Co-Owner / Front Page Editor

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Kyle Florence

Kyle Florence is a proud Wisconsinite, a dinosaur enthusiast, and a lover of all things weird and whacky.

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